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    dots Submission Name: Visiondots

    Author: iluvpoetry_1
    Elite Ratio:    2.87 - 806/439/119
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1102
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 932

       Hey!! um... i wrote this in english class when we were supposed to be watching some video on Shakespeare but i didnt feel like it so i wrote instead um.... i dont like the ending! but i think its ok nothing special plz comment! OX TAILS IS YUMMY!! no sry i aint country just black!
    o And i think this belongs in longing but if u dont agree tell me!! BYE!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I look beyond the horizon
    As far as my eye can see

    A feeling that grows inside of me
    The feeling of being free

    I close my eyes as the breeze plays with my hair
    And I begin to think about what my future holds for me

    Having a beautiful brick house
    Surrounded by tulips and roses

    With all the bees and birds moving about
    Maybe even seing a squirrel hiding up in the tree

    The sun is brightly shining while the air is crisp and clean

    And I see me sitting on a wooden swing
    with a peacefull mind

    Suddenly there is a loud blast of thunder that has brought me back to the world that I am in

    But now I don't feel so much pain anymore
    This vision is giving me stregth to go on with my life

    Knowing that my future is just beyond the horizon.

    Submitted on 2006-04-03 19:16:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice write, it takes me beyond my horizons.
    I like it alot. Keep up the good writes.
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by warwagon29 | [ Reply to This ]
      You know it seems like the piece was Inspired by the movie you were watching. even though you were trying to tune it out. you know the stark contrasts "Peace, comfort, nice things. and then reality..........Kinda like what you were watching.........Am I wright?
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by ooononotthatguy | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem was good, it had a nice daydreamish feel to it but the flow was kinda all over the place in a bit of it. overall tho I liked this and I know what you mean about being in school and writing out of sheer boredom. this write had alot of potential it just needs fixed up in a few places.
    take care,
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Work on the flow and take word out that aren't needed, but I really liked this poem overall. It has great pottential and i daydream about my perfect life a lot now too, so you're not alone. I liked this a lot. Try fixing the flow like I said and it will be even better. Keep it up!!!
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah the flow was pretty awful but i like the idea behind it. u had a daydream of what u hope ur life is gonna be like until life jerks u back to reality but u keep hoping becuz u know what life may hold for u
    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      Well , it is a very cute daydream but I didn't actually feel that the poem had very good flow. As you read you kind of got stuck in a verse because it stoped abruptly. And you're right, the ending is a bit to cliché sorry if you think it was a bad comment is that I personally think you should work on it a bit more and expand it.
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Lana | [ Reply to This ]
      It's cute! I daydream all the time what my life would had been if I didn't chose this path! A dreamhouse? The perfect job? or drug addict! or dead! Hmm whatever the case I am glad I am still living nice poem very imaginative! :) Peace & stay safe
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
      It's simple and also an easy read. Think that the flow is off though. Other than that, like the overall message of the poem.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by whchong | [ Reply to This ]
      not really the kind of poem i like but this wasnt to bad i like the line "And I see me on a wooden swing with a peaceful mind" good stuff right there anyway like i said good write overall keep it up
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by cartoon autopsy | [ Reply to This ]

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