Description: Hey!! um... i wrote this in english class when we were supposed to be watching some video on Shakespeare but i didnt feel like it so i wrote instead um.... i dont like the ending! but i think its ok nothing special plz comment! OX TAILS IS YUMMY!! no sry i aint country just black!
o And i think this belongs in longing but if u dont agree tell me!! BYE!
You know it seems like the piece was Inspired by the movie you were watching. even though you were trying to tune it out. you know the stark contrasts "Peace, comfort, nice things. and then reality..........Kinda like what you were watching.........Am I wright?
This poem was good, it had a nice daydreamish feel to it but the flow was kinda all over the place in a bit of it. overall tho I liked this and I know what you mean about being in school and writing out of sheer boredom. this write had alot of potential it just needs fixed up in a few places. take care, -jess
Work on the flow and take word out that aren't needed, but I really liked this poem overall. It has great pottential and i daydream about my perfect life a lot now too, so you're not alone. I liked this a lot. Try fixing the flow like I said and it will be even better. Keep it up!!!
yeah the flow was pretty awful but i like the idea behind it. u had a daydream of what u hope ur life is gonna be like until life jerks u back to reality but u keep hoping becuz u know what life may hold for u
Well , it is a very cute daydream but I didn't actually feel that the poem had very good flow. As you read you kind of got stuck in a verse because it stoped abruptly. And you're right, the ending is a bit to cliché sorry if you think it was a bad comment is that I personally think you should work on it a bit more and expand it.
It's cute! I daydream all the time what my life would had been if I didn't chose this path! A dreamhouse? The perfect job? or drug addict! or dead! Hmm whatever the case I am glad I am still living nice poem very imaginative! :) Peace & stay safe