[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Moloch, The Style Goddessdots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1077

       "For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me"--Job 3:25

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMoloch, The Style Goddessdots

    O, great and glorious
    Ozymandian cesspool
    of Joy! O scale of worth,
    wonder and divine forebearence
    we beg thee; cut out our
    tongues that we might
    be justified before thee!
    Teach us to hate all
    that we might ascend
    to the holy aerie
    of perpetual disdain!

    O excellency
    of imperfect wisdom
    and impenetrable botoxic
    composure, we adjure
    thee, see us!

    We, the unworthy, seek
    audience with thou
    that slippest her breasts
    in tourniquets, slideth slender toes
    in stilleto heels, wrappeth
    limbs in the unholy aura
    of gauzy elastin under
    the tutelage of the gutter
    goddesses of distant shores.

    O that our
    passionate brown
    nosing might be rewarded
    at thy pedicurean feet!

    Hush! What's that?
    Footsteps at the door?
    They've come! Save us
    O indifferent, liposuctioned
    idol: to what other altar
    shall we run?

    Submitted on 2006-04-03 20:13:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A funny story...

    I had a date with this lovely young girl that i met only last week. Sitting across from me she incessantly messed with her bra as i listened to some of her songs on the i-pod.

    "Wow!" i said "you're a good singer...and songwriter."

    "Damn, this bra is pissing me off." she said.

    "take it off then"

    She did, adding "i want to style your mohawk sometime.


    "i don't always wear bras" she said, cupping her breasts in her hands "I don't really need one, My tits are just enough to get a hold of, and still perky...."

    I looked, adding "you'll have to show me sometime."

    We held hands and walked downtown through the sculpture exhibit.

    Real beauty still exits, but you're right....the world is full of phonies who worship vanity.

    Nice write. I'm excited to see you trying so many different things in your more recent writes.

    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, uh, I"m not even going to pretend to know what 'Ozymandian' means lol... oh wait! I have the internet at my fingertips right now which is like the biggest learning tool ever! (Sorry, that's a pointed remark at others who don't know a certain word... and will tell you that they have no idea without bothering to look it up to educate themselves lol - which is a pet hate of mine).

    Anyways, I looked it up and I found nothing... as Mara pointed out, only people that have taken a 12th grade literature class (which my uneducated ass hasn't lol) will know what you're talking about. And like Mara, the over-ornateness and flowery Elizabethan language serves to give this poem a very different flavour... an almost... pompous adoring courtier at the feet of a divine maiden feel to it... which you've done well exploring this theme with.

    So, this is a pointed stab at men who fawn over the airbrushed perfectness of high fashion? At the slobbering gratuitousness that only serves to put these liposuctioned size 10 models of Hollywood and countless fashion magazines onto our high society style pedestals? It seems so... and it screams this message across loudly. As well as the inherent snobbiness and disdain for the 'lower pecking order' per se.

    Two slight nitpicks (come now, there's a goddamn rating system in place that smacks my ass if I don't.... and really, you know I just love being an anally retentive nitpicker lol):
    Typo on 'tutelege' - it should be 'tutelage' as far as I'm aware. And the phrase 'what's that?' doesn't seem... ornate enough I guess, in regards to the rest of the piece... it's almost too modern I suppose. Perhaps 'and what may that be?' - you know what I mean? Not a literal suggestion but I'm sure you'll figure something out.

    As it stands, it was satirically humourous. And that's all I've got for ye I'm afraid.


    P.S I wrote this not too long ago... dealing with the rampant materialism of our society I guess... but with a darker tone I suppose... and no, I'm not a chauvinistic sexist pig lol - it just highlights how I feel about the rampant commercialism of this modern age... and it bears the same sort of theme that you have explored here (albeit different in ways of course, which is why I've shown you):

    'High Society Trash' 27/03/06

    Some will say
    that I am a river
    unbuttoning her blouse
    -- washed in couplets
    of soap and brittle disarray.

    This is not the time
    for the Body Beautiful
    -- but one of revolving doors
    and smashed Cadillacs,
    whimpering dogs on the streets,
    and cut-throat felines
    scavenging for scraps
    in a city-swamp
    of materialist sluts.

    This world will blow
    like an already cum-stained couch
    -- but we won't be here to see it
    (thank god, for all of you
    and me especially).


    There ya go lol. Sorry for the extra wordspace... but you'll get over it I'm sure.
    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm reading this in reference to Milton's Moloch, with style declaring an all out war on society. I find your intertext fascinating, particularly in the first stanza, with your reference to the forgotten King of Kings -- I believe Moloch also means "king". Then the reversal of gender... nice. (Unless I'm missing some other reference, which probably makes it even cleverer.)

    Your use of language is excellent and adds depth to the metaphor. I must admit I'm not entirely sure that "seek audience with thou" is more correct than "thee". (I could be wrong, it happens from time to time).

    "O that our
    passionate brown
    nosing might be rewarded
    at thy pedicurean feet!"

    I laughed aloud at that. Although... what would you think of "might be rewarded by a kiss of thy pedicurean feet"? Just musing.

    God forbid anyone should have to think for himself!
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Fantastic Freya | [ Reply to This ]
    Moloch, Moloch, Moloch!
    Moloch, the shrew nosed.
    Moloch, the fickle bi tch of fashion.
    Moloch the adorable,
    Moloch the detestable,
    Moloch, that image in the full length
    three paned mirror of our bedrooms.
    When Moloch dies,
    and they lay her out,
    I'm going to do belly shots of tequila off
    the cadaver.

    Oh, at the risk of being superficial, I liked it.
    Of course! And Ginsberg would too.
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      This goddess is very vain.

    She wears corsettes and stilleto heels, has gotten liposuction, wears all kinds of make-up and clothing....

    And it is almost (but not entirely) humorous the way these people worship her. It is like people worshipping a supermodel. Well, lots of people do that. Mostly guys. They kind of drool and bow at the feet of beautiful supermodels...

    I like it. It is strange and weird, but I love the way you described everything. You used lots of strange words. Strange words are the bestest words!

    Keep up the strange and silly opuses made with strange and silly words made out of strange and silly letters made out of strange and silly lines and shapes.

    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]

    I loved the first line. It set the tone right away.

    Favorite line: The one that matters
    "to what other altar
    shall we run?"

    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by JackBenny | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha. Gloriously overornate and sycophantic.

    My suggestion to you would be to find an opening phrase other than "Ozymandian cesspool." It gives the game away too quickly. Cesspool is waaaay too blatant, and Ozymandian will only be subtle for those who haven't taken 12th grade literature class.

    Also, a quick fix:

    O indifferent, lyposuctioned
    idol:to what other altar
    shall we run?

    "liposuctioned," and you need a space after the colon.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by mara | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]