Autumn by Juliets

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Submission Name: Autumn dots

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Author:	Juliets_dagger
ASL Info:	21/F/NC
Elite Ratio:	4.63 - 690/665/83
Words:	95

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	248
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	690

Description:
Written in November of '05. I was persuaded by my father to rake up the massive amount of leaves that had fallen upon our backyard, when a poetic thought hit me. This is the product.

Autumn

-------------------------------------------

I remember autumn
when I was young enough
to recall what dreaming felt like.
I'd run outside
and push freshly fallen leaves
into piles
so I could jump in them.
Pretending they
were a hiding place,
a fortress of safety
where the world couldn't reach me.

I'd dig into the chilled soil
looking for spiders
and crawly critters
to keep me company.

And in between the security
of my dying leaves,
the bare trees,
cold air,
gray sky,
and handfuls of spiders...

I never remember feeling alone.

Submitted on 2006-04-04 03:42:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  one of the most "VIVIDLY ALIVE" poetry i have read in a long time...brought back a thousand memories and i thank u for that...had a beautiful ending-

"And in between the security
of my dying leaves,
the bare trees,
cold air,
gray sky,
and handfuls of spiders...

I never remember feeling alone."

cant find enough words to appreaciate the poetry and thus i cant find enough words to describe the feeling i got upon completing reading the poetry!

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK
:)>
-OB
| Posted on 2008-03-13 00:00:00 | by obaid | [ Reply to This ]
  i like.. it shows the warmth n comfort it gave to you, but the spiders are kinda creepy
| Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by battousiaxxx | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! this is great it captures the inosent feeling and life of childhood. I realy like things that recal on the past, espechialy when it deals with childhood becouse those memories were so pure and happy back then, and this showed that beutafuly. I absolutly loved the way you pulled the meories into this piece along with your feelings. While i was reading i was recalling times when i was little and runign around with friends and jumping in the leaves and the happy times that where there as well. Great work on this!
| Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by FLHgg | [ Reply to This ]
  Ooh, I really like this one. It's a flashback to a lot of peoples childhood, and you've captured it perfectly. In addition you've carried emotions and inner soul searching along for the ride. The tone of the voice is almost childlike when it should be and adult at just the right time. I'd check your punctuation. I don't think L8 should begin a new sentence.
Otherwise, perfect, I love it. I was smelling those leaves and digging in that dirt with you. What is there about a pile of leaves that is so comforting in so many ways? Just a good poem.

Phil
| Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  Personally, Autumn is my favorite time of the year. I love it. Every bit of it...the leaves, the gray skies, the bare trees...it's just calming to me. (But like right now I'm so dying to be in a swimming pool or ocean ! Haha Too much winter!)
Okay, onto the piece. I like this. I like the childish things you included. Especially the bit in the end about never feeling alone. It seems as I get older I feel so many different emotions that sometimes I just wish I could revert back to my "child" years. When crawly critters and the safety of autumn leaves made me feel at ease. Ahh, those were the days.
The only thing I think throws this piece off a bit is the format. I think it might flow with a different format. But, then again I got what you were saying so it is still good as is. :) Take care. Good to see you around.

--blt
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
  A lovely heartwarming read with a nice twist at the end ,the last line rox! i can also remember looking for creepy crawleys when i was younger and they are special moments on the journey of growing up.I think this was very well written very descriptive and i pictured the scene beautifully and it made me smile ,then the last line brought me down a bit with the thoughts of those who are lonely ,good stuff
Graham
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
  Autumn is my favorite season, I love how you took us back into there and also into the nice world of being a kid playing in the leaves.
That place where you can retreat when the world is closing in on you...
nature has always had the power to do that. Be a refuge.
It was one of those poems you read slowly, just taking your time to walk through.
I really enjoyed it, and found nothing that I would change. It was a break away from everything that is happening, I could feel the comfort of the place in the way that you described it, thinking of my own refuge outside the walls of home.
You have written it beautifully,
take care
~jennifer
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a nice autumn poem with lots of nostalgia. I would suggest you classify this one as nostalgia as it certainly is! Remembering things about childhood is so precious when you can think of happy times. Life was so much simpler then and the joy we found was always in the little things that we dont seem to find as often as adults. I think the descriptive quality of this poem is good too. The only thing I didnt care for was the word dying to describe the leaves in the last stanza. Somehow it didnt seem to fit right to me. I guess I dont feel much security in dying. But perhaps this has some significance to you. Otherwise I enjoyed reading this nostalgic poem. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  The sense of nostalgia is very strong in this piece and brings me back to my own childhood recollections of autumn, doing much the same things as you to keep myself company.

To me, this is innocence and the passing of that... to become world-weary and conscious of time dragging on our heels. To just remember those instances when we were happy with our lot, with those leaves that symbolize so much...

Thank you for bringing me back... it made me feel warm.
Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this is great! I love reminiscing poems. Seriously, this is good stuff.

"to recall what dreaming felt like"

that's where you hooked me. that line alone would have made this poem worth it. I think you captured the entire message of this poem in that single line right there. It's so beautiful, and yet so tragic. To imply you no longer dream, that it's been such a long time. Anyway, I love it.

Piling the leaves up. This is interesting, because you say you thought of this while being "forced" to rack up leaves, and yet as a child, you sort of did this without being asked. Piling them up. It was fun, cause then you'd jump in them! It was a hiding place from the world... I really like that. A child not ready to be ripped from the innocence of childhood, realizing the world is just one big problem. We can feel it coming as we're growing up. And you had a hiding place. Yep, I'm still lovin' this.

The next stanza is cute, though very sad. Yeah.

I'm absolutely in love with the flow and structure of the next stanza, and it's concluding line. Everything is just so perfect! Tragic, but perfect!

"I never remember feeling alone."

Yeah, I don't know what else to say. This was great. Going to the favorites list. Nice write. Beautiful.
| Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by IamYourTragedy | [ Reply to This ]
  i love how you ended this...the simple pleasures of a child could involve only an imagination, and as you put in this, some bugs, and can walk away feeling fullfilled instead of alone.

you really took me back to when i was a child, jumping in the piles that i made and covering myself up. i remember loving the smell you'd get on your clothes from laying in them all day.. la sigh. wouldn't it be nice if we could go back and do those things, and still have that same feeling from way back when...

thanks for taking me back for a moment.
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there,

It's been a long time since I've posted a comment to one of your works, but you still remain one of my faves :)

I really like how you've connected the ideas of youth/emotion/nature together into this one conglomerate idea, where it's almost difficult to discern one from the others - though purple is made of red and blue, it is still neither red, nor blue.

I'm still letting this settle, but I might think about combining the last two stanzas just because your first one is longer, you know? On the other hand, I love your middle stanza.

Other than that, you are still incredible... beautiful, beautiful writing :)

Kenley
| Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by Siven7 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow..i liked this one. a completely nostalgia poem, and a good one at that! i love autumn...its one of my fvorate sesons. all of them have their good points..but fall is best. i mean, all the leaves changing colors...the temperature is just right, not too hot or too cold. not rainy like spring or overly hot like summer, not cold and drab like winter can sometiems be. the smells of change in the air...death, but at the same time life. i can also remember raking leaves when i was little, and still now. it was always so much fun raking all those leaves into piles and then jumping into them. hiding from my parents then "scaring" them when they walked by.

i loved you poem..a new favorates add. isnt it amazing that when your young, you never really feel alone. and when you look back on things...its shocking to see hwo much everything has changed. when your little, you can imagine yourself into a whole different world, where nothing can touch you. the spiders and crawlies you find can become best of friends. then you grow up. and imagining becomes oh so much harder. n e way, sorry to ramble on. i guess your poem touched me. tho i have never been much for spiders, lol. great write, and keep up the good work. ~Nichole
| Posted on 2006-08-03 00:00:00 | by butterfly_chi5 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi. I tried to write last night, but everything all somehow got deleted. So, I'm writing again because I really believe your work deserves digging around to try to find your poem again.
If you already read my note and deleted it yourself, I apologise.
Anyway, the gist of what I already wrote is that it really reminded me of Whitman's poem To the Learn'd Astronomer.That might not be precisely the correct title, but I think it's his only poem with Astronomer in the title. (Sorry).
Anyway, esp. the last line of yours and his. And that if you never read it you might want to or also if you haven't read it in a while.
Anyway, good job!
| Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by azure_warrior | [ Reply to This ]

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