Somewhere around nothing by eve1684

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Submission Name: Somewhere around nothing dots

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Author:	eve1684
ASL Info:	24/F/Germany
Elite Ratio:	4.81 - 1798/938/114
Words:	94

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	300
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	577

Description:
Just after lamenting about my several months long writers block yesterday I wrote something.......

Somewhere around nothing dots

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Somewhere around nothing
I crumbled and died
like snowflakes falling in June
it was time to forget tomorrow
and try to stop the earth
[It's standing still can you feel it?]
no ground to rest my feet on
and dreams lying there
holding breath, holding still
I let my hands slip
cut the strings of the silver web
that caged my heart
and kept away my soul
[It once flew away you know..]
slowly I fell
and died
and somewhere around nothing
I was born

Submitted on 2006-04-04 05:52:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i like how you died, the wrote something and were born again. very nice work.
| Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by HappyBuddaH | [ Reply to This ]
  Strange, lately I have this idea in my head of the "life of a snowflake"--(because we have a LOT of snow right now--)--and I read your "Crash" form last year and then this, and it's like we have been thinking the same way.

This is interesting, and haunting in a surreal sort of way.

I liked
"I let my hands slip
cut the strings of the silver web
that caged my heart
and kept away my soul
[It once flew away you know..]"

the image of the silver web--something pure and delicate, fragile, yet intricate and confining nevertheless,---keeping the soul and heart apart, if only by a few thin threads. ---Thats what I liked best--and it is one of those images that spirals deep and one can take as muh --or as little , as they will.

This was beautiful to my ears.
Sally
| Posted on 2006-12-12 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the idea of writing about writers block to try and fight it.. why snowflacks in june? I can't connect it to falling in bed... : /
| Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  Sometimes writing about not writing gets you writing, and that's what matters. I like the hope at the end. I also like your use of parentheticals in brackets. For some reason, this makes me think of someone in a bleak urban landscape who has been looking at the ugliness for so long that she decides to pick up some chalk and draw something pretty (flowers or something) on the pavement. Anyway, I enjoyed this. I'm glad you're writting again. I've missed you, Amy

| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  incredibly original, and inspiring. I'm sorry about your writers block, but eventually, all of us get it. it sucks, but if feels OH so good when it finally goes away. Nice, write, I especially liked the interjections of the second voice. it really added great dimensions to the poem. Kudos, keep it up.
BreakAndFall
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the use of the [ ] sotto voce in this...it is what makes the poem, interjecting thought.

The only part I stumbled on was the third-to-the-last line "I died"

Those words don't belong there. Not only are they redundant to the beginning of the poem, they just aren't fluid enough...too abrupt. I would prefer to see something like, "Slowly I fell, and felt existence slip away..." just to continue the lethargy and slow-motion feel of the piece.
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
  Very deep. It makes me think.
"I let my hands slip
cut the strings of the silver web
that caged my heart
and kept away my soul
[It once flew away you know..]
slowly I fell
and died
and somewhere around nothing
I was born"

I like that part the most. I don't have any helpful hints or ways to improve because I like it how it is. I think this is now one of my faves.
Great job. Sorry I lack the ability of writing a good and helpful coment.
- -Oli
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
  The surrender and abandonment of this write made the thought flow in a cascade of trial and error. The test came when no more errors could be made, because there were none left to make. Thus, you moved forward and grew in strength.

Very imaginative write.
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like the circularity of this, the way you come around back to the beginning. Despite that there's a sense of emptiness in this piece that comes through also, as though the narrator has had all these experiences but she's still unfilfilled.

I like the idea of trying to stop the earth, wanting things to freeze but it ain't gonna happen- been there.

Nothing I can see that I'd change here. Nice work.

Peace,

Joe

| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  DEEP AND PROFOUND! Losing and then finding oneself, is an experience that exists on many levels. Losing and then finding oneself, in a way that one does not have to endure this loss again, is an experience that can only be understood in its entirety if one explores the concept of Eternal Afterlife. Though one must steer clear of emotional compulsions and biases while seeking wellfounded arguments that validate this concept and then start exploring the implications of this concept on an emotional level. (Just some thoughts, your poem is complete and transcends many levels of experience.)

Peace,
Sohaib Ali.
| Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by onehappypaki | [ Reply to This ]
  I think we've all been there at one time or another. It does seems that writing about it helps in some way. Clearing out cobwebs and all that other stuff that gets in the way. Nothing like a little crystal clear confusion to set everything back again. Nice write on not writing.
Carol
| Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]

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