To Search -------------------------------------------
A lot of things are worth searching for
But what should I seek?
It looks like everyone has found
what they seek or on the path of searching
but I am left behind
left to swallow a spoon
eat it whole
and choke on it
In this atmosphere
if it were to change
Would I change?
Having given up on searching
I find myself trapped
in my idiocity
I am HERE
with no heart
intersting -- but i think everyone feels lost. and more people feel lost than not. some just try to hide it. but i think everyone eventually finds their path.
you know, what others say of your work makes no difference. I think it was good. I don't believe a poem should require form, just emotion and thought. I do envy you. I don't think any of my writes hav recieved this many comments. good work.
(Adding to the comment below) I just had a thought........ if you live in USA or someplace like that where only outstanding visible success is admired, then maybe you've got a feeling that everybody is not noticing you,or even dumping on you, because you aren't a celebrity. I have often noticed that sort of delusion, which is hilariously funny to a rural Australian like me! (the bucolic humour around here is only very slightly malicious, you understand?)
My daughter has a friend who seems to think people can't see her unless she is thin enough. She actually says that. Weird, but understandable! She could be a metaphor for people who don't look closely at their own "ungreat" dreams ... because the reality is, it doesn't need to be great. It just needs to be really yours. Maybe the ego pills would help. A wizard in one of my fantasies goes around selling these ego pills. I go there quite often because they only last a week or so.
The old [censored] is making a fortune. But no doubt you have financial troubles of your own. Thanks for your poetry, above all!
I can't get a coherent story - I mean an actual anecdote - out of this ambitious poem. That's because (as everybody does) you started off with an account of your whole world which you compressed into a few phrases that mean a lot to you but less to the reader, who is a stranger not only to you but probably to the culture and type of education in which you live .... this website taught me that! The poets here are from worldwide, but all write in English (my only language). There are so many languages in English!
I hope you don't change this poem, but for later poems, perhaps helping the reader along with a clue to a simple personal story would be a good technique for getting understood. However, getting understood the way you want to be understood isn't always what poets care most about .... anyway, that's a suggestion from one kind of reader!
I love your invented word 'idiocity'. Perhaps it started off as a mistake, but now it's out there! I never met it before...
ahh well , you are not the only one out there who feels like this although it may seem that way to you , i can really relate to this , i feel lost my self and i don't know what to do with my life sometimes , anyways when it comes to your writing you have a nice flow , you chose the words wisely , could have added a few words that would have gave it a rather strong impression .
all in all it's neat and organised you don't seem like someone who is lost at all :)
hope you find what you are looking for , sometimes the things we search for our entire lives are right infront of us waiting to hit us in the face .
peace
wow this is a nice lttle piece you got here, i wish i could help you but you are probably further on your life's journey than I, what i can say though is be steadfast and clarity will be yours.
You're not really trapped....Just confused. In this piece, you believe everyone has found something that makes them worth but how do you know that? How are your perceived by others? Have you thought about others believing that they are left behind while you are ahead of them? Could be a good expansion.
You are being too self centered here....You're not thinking outside the box and that limits you to a one way thinking. and i can see that by that type of thinking you feel trapped. But the end result is more confused than being trapped.
You have a good grasp here. The idea is very original and can be inspirational to others who may feel the way you do and maybe through your writing will be able to find some path. That's the power of a write. Being able to have an effect on people in a positive way. So definitvely work on it. It's worth it.
I thought you were in deep thought at this point and wanted to bring everything out. That's a good way of expressing your self. Now take another breath and take a step forward. Keep moving on.
It's a good write. I enjoyed it very much. Do take care..... Irina
this is tight man, but i'm not sure i'd classify it as a poem, not to say it's not, but if so even if not i think a restructuaralization could hekp it out, maybe some more color, and synonyms, but deffinately worth working on, nice take care, be well, bye now
Wow, the last line was awesome . everybody is seekin' for that thing that makes their lives great , and you said " I dream of the ungreat " that was pretty cool , the ones who commented before me said it all , I have nothing more to add ! Great job have a nice day
Well I'm not sure if you meant what I think you did but to me it really fits in were i'm at in life rite now all my buddys are gone away or in uni and i'm still trying to find out what i'm going to do anyway thats what I got from it good write.
Submission Name: To Search
