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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cold Reaching Cool Gamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black-Wall
    ASL Info:    19 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 60/85/48
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 215
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1005



    Description:
       This is about relationships, durh. Its basicly time to get off that Emo trip everyone is going off on and this is the guy/girl basicly saying "yeah I fucked you over just for the fun and now your fucking done" It is not finished but tell me what ideas you have for finishing it.

    Later

    -Black-Wall-


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCold Reaching Cool Gamedots
    -------------------------------------------



    I spoke over the cool breath reaching through the faltering sky line.
    It was like an open sore, frost bit and numbing to the cold reaching cool pain.
    Your looks reflected into my empty,empty being.
    Scratching away, away the burning images in my mind. I cant help be believe I was to blame.
    Over and over again I cant start to think this could be the last time, last, time I believe.
    I should of smiled and begged like hell, only to amuse that demon in you.
    Should of smiled and begged like hell, to try and get a piece of you.
    You were the weakness that caused you to be grouped like all the rest.

    Let it go, it's time you see that you were nothing but another whore.
    Your looks were good, you tasted like freedom at last.
    I told you once to let it go, I told you twice that a bullet does seal the deal quite nice.
    Once your used you will be left like all the rest. Your shallow smile doesnt past the test.




    Submitted on 2006-04-04 21:54:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I actually got the impression that you are a greedy person who used the girl. Maybe that is not what you meant to get across, but that is the way it sounds, I'm sorry to say.

    The spacing desperately needs to be fixed, despite the good content. It seemed like it was more written in the direction of a song, and there need to be some spaces between things like "Over and over again I cant start to think this could be the last time, last, time I believe."
    Try:
    Over and over again
    I can't start to think
    This could be the last time
    Last time
    I believe

    Also, there were many spelling and grammatical errors. Please fix these so that we may enjoy the write itself.

    The content and way you wrote it was good, but the constant errors and mistakes took a large portion away from the enjoyment.

    Thanks.

    Kichi
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]



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