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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: False Hopesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stefhy
    ASL Info:    18/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 142/62/20
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 219
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1062



    Description:
       Another love poem. It shows a story and what seems to be a never ending process sometimes (denial/false hope). I'm hoping it's as straight forward as I think it is- if not, feel free to tell me your thoughts, no matter how brutal.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalse Hopesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    So fresh and still, your smile lies,
    In the corner of my mind.
    Your brown eyes stricken with love struck thunder,
    And as I gaze, I race with wonder.

    Will we make it? Will love win?
    Am I holding onto, a war pulled thin?

    My eyelashes whisper to the bridge of my cheek,
    The tears that flow freely from pain at its peak.
    What's left of my heart, is so slowly breaking.
    What's left of my heart, is yours for the taking.

    I hang my head low, and clench my fist tight,
    Your hands are not what fills mine tonight.
    Under my head, your chest was once kept,
    But with ears on a pillow, there's no drumming left.
    So fragile and weak, I lay frozen in time,
    Still reaching to feel, your body's outline.

    Memory scratching, through my skin to break free,
    Though you're not here, it's only you that I see.

    Will you come back? Will love win?
    Am I holding onto, a war pulled thin?




    Submitted on 2006-04-04 22:51:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is so sweet, but at the same time very sad and emotional.
    | Posted on 2007-09-05 00:00:00 | by Magger32 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good poem My favorite line being "Am I holding onto, a war pulled thin?". That single question is a question we must all ask ourselves in every relationship.


    Sage
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was a great love poem. One of the best I've read actually. I think I can kind of relate with the poem. I have nothing bad to say about it. It had an awesome flow. And if there is anything wrong that I missed, it'd probably be made up for all the other great things.
    -
    My eyelashes whisper to the bridge of my cheek,
    The tears that flow freely from pain at its peak.
    What's left of my heart, is so slowly breaking.
    What's left of my heart, is yours for the taking.
    -
    Thats my favorite. This poem seemed so beautiful, actually it was. I liked how you repeated the last line because it really just ends it with a question on whether or not about.."love" This one is going on my favorites. I'll have to read more of your poems. Keep it up!
    inkpen
    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm surprised you're not getting more comments on this, I liked it very much. The emotion you put into the rhymes showed that your main focus wasn't the rhyming but at the same time the flow was perfect. I loved everything about this except how you repeated your last two lines, usually the echo would be to add drama/emotion but it didn't do much for me. other than that awesome write.
    =peace=
    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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