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The Grand Design

Author: well gee
ASL Info:    17/M/LC
Elite Ratio:    8 - 8 /0 /4
Words: 74
Class/Type: Misc /
Total Views: 1485
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 509


I wrote this while staring at some cacti in my backyard.

The Grand Design

The Cacti wrought from Greenish waste
Intrude upon the Grand Design,
Basking, no particular haste,
Defying us incarnadine.

Of late they circumnavigate the slope
As though to accost our very approach
"we'll ruin it ourselves, thank you much!"

And so the men will slay, these malformed prey
Their time has come though we will stay
Stay, and satisfy the grand design,
A gently sloping slpe for feet to climb.

Submitted on 2006-04-05 16:51:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  hmm, im a sucker for a nature piece. the cactus is definitely one of the coolest plant lives out there. yes, i can sort of see the grand design and how a cacti might be the one glitch in that design, stubborn in its survival, a fighter if not anything and might be to the nuisance of creatures concerned. having no natural predators and living in a harsh environment. truly this is one formidably plant.

there is a bit of finality and folly here i think. the folly is not with the cacti but with us, for wandering anywhere its defenses. and the finality is that this tenacious plant has receded and provided a "gently sloping slope for feet to climb"

this poem uses some words that one does not easily come across. you have sprinkled words here are that are wonderful and unpretentious. but you juxtapose it with "greenish" and "sloping slope" for adjectives and present participles when clearly the noun is there. i am certain you have your reasons for that.


| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
  it's nice to meditate on something so mysterious and mystical such as the cacti, rocks, mountains, sunsets of the desert.
i can imagine it's beauty - having lived in AZ at one time in my life.
anyhow - about this peice. While reading this my imagination instantly kicked in - it was easy for me to become intrigued by the deserts magic. however it might be more challenging for someone else to imagine this.
perhaps you could touch more on senses and defining your perception - how the cacti/desert relates to you.
but you did seem to gave it a voice. i just believe that you could go into depth abit more.
you might have a typo in the last line in the 3rd stanza that reads "slpe".
anyhow that's all i have for now. later!
| Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]

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