Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Shards - Prologue

Author: nec
ASL Info:    25/Male/Sweden
Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 6 /5 /8
Words: 220
Class/Type: Story /Dark
Total Views: 1207
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1249


General thoughts. If possible, thoughts on style compared to the other parts of this story. Does this work better, or worse than the rest?

Shards - Prologue

Shard Prologue – Initial infection

Beware me, for I am virulent.
Lest I seep into your mind with infective intent

I breathe as I open my eyes. The smell that lingers in my nostrils is rancid.

Rot; this world is tainted by it. It hovers, layered in the dank air, blending with the sulfur scent of corruption. I pray for winds as I hold my breath; rain, fire – anything to clear the stench.

But gods are an arrogant species

Through the reflections in shattered glass I come, growing with the shadows as light recides.

Against naked feet, I feel the flaws of concrete. To the oxidizing night around me, I am alien. I watch the moonlit world revolve with bleak disinterest – disoriented like a demon lost in a storm.

I lift my eyes to the sky; tracing stars through a shroud of pollution.

I stand one step apart from anyone you will ever meet, I am not restrained by constructs or composites. This is my world now; and these are my memories.

I am the storm

Submitted on 2006-04-05 17:09:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?