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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Life In Controldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WTF Zombies
    Elite Ratio:    5.24 - 30/17/8
    Words: 489
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 422
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2901



    Description:
       My parents over power me. and all I have that got my back, is my boyfriend. thank you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLife In Controldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Father said; don’t forget your food.
    Girl reacts; Smash the food against the window. Kick the steering wheel. I’ll kill us both. I fucking know!
    REWINDS
    Father said; don’t forget your food.
    Girl Replies; Yes, I’ll remember, thank you.

    Mother asks; why is the sky blue? Who are you talking to?
    Girl reacts; Punches her skull into the wall. She stares at her and watches her guts fall. The girl high fives her shadow as the ants piled onto the body.
    REWINDS
    Mother asks; why is the sky blue? Who are you talking to?
    Girl replies; I don’t know, mother. Know one, mother.

    Parents say; I hope you’ll pass. I hope your bad grades won’t last.
    Girl reacts; Shoots her father in the face, goes to her mother and gives her a taste… of blood and old woman’s teeth. Looked at her father and realized he couldn’t breath. Girl laughs evil and skips on off dragging the heads of her parents.
    REWINDS
    Parents say; I hope you’ll pass. I hope your bad grades won’t last.
    Girl replies; I will pass. I’m getting good grades, you ass.

    Boy says; I love you, girl. Forget about them, girl. You are almost out into the world.
    Girl reacts; Throws him against the wall and says fuck me, kiss me, feel me, and do it all!
    REWINDS
    Boy says; I love you, girl. Forget about them, girl. You are almost out into the world.
    Girl replies; I love you, boy. I try to forget, boy. They are coming after me, boy.

    Father asks; what’s with the hoods? Are you two, heading towards the woods?
    Girl reacts; Kicks the face of the dishwasher.
    Boy thinks; oh god, I lost her.
    REWINDS
    She replies; Because of the rain.
    Boy smiles; because we are insane!!

    Mother yells; you’re so stupid! You’ll never leave. As long as you live in this house you’ll never be!
    Girl replies; I know. I failed.
    REWINDS
    Mother yells; you’re so stupid! You’ll never leave. As long as you live in this house you’ll never be!
    Girl reacts; choked her to the ground, burned the body so she couldn’t be found.

    Father yells; you’re so stupid! You’ll never leave. As long as you live in this house you’ll never be!
    Girl replies; I know. I failed.
    REWINDS
    Father yells; you’re so stupid! You’ll never leave. As long as you live in this house you’ll never be!
    Girl reacts; choked him to the ground, burned his body so he couldn’t be found.

    Boy says; I love you. Let’s hit the road. Come on, girl, let’s go.
    Girl says; I love you. Let’s go. I’m ready to hit the road.
    REWINDS
    Boy says; I love you. Let’s hit the road. Come on, girl, let’s go.
    Girl reacts; Grabs his hair and kissed his lips. She got bare and pressed against his hips.




    Submitted on 2006-04-05 20:41:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this, mostly because it's easy for me to connect to. I also like the way it's set up. I just love it. It's hard for me to properly comment on the stuff I really like.
    -HaldirLives
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by HaldirLives | [ Reply to This ]
      your over all style and motif really impress me here, it seems to me like you have a whole new spin on how to express your feelings of being expected to fail all the time, you should know that even though these people expect you to fail that you wont, and even if you stumble that you have someone that will be by your side always to dust you off and help you to continue onward, amazing rythm amazing rhyme scheme and a truly impressive new approach i give you 1000 out of 10
    -C
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem, it was very unique and interesting..it was story in itself..i loved it..the style was amazing, i havn't seen that done many times before..i liked it..the ending was great..the last lines were beautiful and sexual to say the least..its cute how bf's can take all the home problems away, and just sweep you off your feet...anywhos keep up the great work! ^_^

    --Lucy--
    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed the honesty of this poem. How our wishes and thoughts are completely over turned by conscience. It was enlightening.

    By all means, if you feel you can never "be" at your mom and dad's, move out as soon as you can, but be careful. Independence is a dish best served alone. Don't hinge it on a man. Get used to it first.

    It was a good read. Keep writing :)
    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by Shaqua1973 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm really intrigued by this one. All the other comments hit the nail on the head; it's very different to what you normally see around here. It also had the feel of film about it, it's very visual. well done, maybe you could consider moving into media with it. charlie x
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Charlie Poppins | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem has a unique style which I always prefer, sign of a good poet.

    Yes, the difference between thought and action should be vast, otherwise anger would take us all down, though what is more sad is how children and their parent not only be on the wrong page with each other, they aren't even reading the books they both authored, which your poem shows so clearly.

    Everyone needs a place to rest thier weary head, though one has to be extremely careful where they lay it.

    Your poem sopke loudly as it should, they contrasted with what your truly desire to be loved for who and what you stand for.

    That alone make your poem worth reading.

    Edward
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I am intrigued. Long has our generation been without anything resembling an original literary style. So this is refreshing. It's honest too, bold and vivid. There are a few grammar things, but they aren't obvious or detrimental. I dug the whole thing. Keep on trucking.
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Aaron Felix | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is deep i could feel the anger surge through the words (sound stupid i know but its true). You used things that deal with the world to day and what teens do. I know i wish i could do that some times but i think we all do.
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by inuyasha_s girl | [ Reply to This ]



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