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    dots Submission Name: my questioning heartdots

    Author: secretdream0
    ASL Info:    21/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 48/46/22
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 648

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    dotsmy questioning heartdots

    don't tempt me with your kisses
    unless your love is true
    don't beckon me with open arms
    if you want a love that's new.
    at the sight of you my heart soars,
    my pulse is beating fast,
    but a cautious voice warns;
    "seek a love that lasts"
    i've been through so many heartaches.
    i've known the depths of pain.
    i don't need a another love scene
    where the sunshine turns to rain.
    though i'll give love to last forever,
    i can only give to one.
    will i find with you my everything?
    my moon, my stars, my sun???

    Submitted on 2006-04-06 01:19:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was a very good poem, I liked the imagery.
    please keep writing, from what I have read of yours thus far, I really like it.

    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by Sharati_hottie | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, i love how you have picked up on the difference between love and lust, some believe they are in love but soon realise they're wrong
    Great write
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      In this poem, it seems as though you've been hurt and are wanting someone who will be everything that you haven't had. It's a good poem, it gets straight to the point, i like it. :)
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Scarlett Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      that was really wonderful! Swear I can't think of one thing wrong with it, it just sounds so wonderful, smooth, and beautiful.
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the like the line " I dont need another love scene where the sunshine turns to rain" and that was about the only line I thought was good...I think I was confused. Is this poem about a potential lover who you are questioning giving you heart to? I think my problem was I felt there was no imagery and no passion. I am all for love poems but make us see how scared you are or how confused. Imagery is your friend. Read some of my poems and if you want my help I think I can do that. But keep writing. I hope that didnt sound mean it is supposed to be constructive.
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by haileebobailee | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a good read. It rhymed well with an easy to relate to topic.
    I ask the same question all the time. "will i find with you my everything?"
    I think love is more complex then one question.
    Although the word everything, sums it up reall well..
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]

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