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when i say


Author: caspian
ASL Info:    23/m/Denmark
Elite Ratio:    2.31 - 134 /189 /57
Words: 137
Class/Type: Poetry /Angry
Total Views: 1028
Average Vote:    3.0000
Bytes: 721



Description:




when i say



when i say that i love you
i mean that i would hate you if you left me

when i say that i miss you
i mean that i want to be missed by you

when i say that im hungry
i mean that im really just to full

when i say that im sad
im really just too scared to say afraid

when i say its too late
i mean that i want you to stay

when i say you´r beatiful
i mean that i want you to loose 10 pounds

when i say that green looks good at you
i mean that i really prefer black

when i say im frustrated
i know exactly what i want

when i say im angry
i am




Submitted on 2006-04-06 06:18:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I like this a lot. I'm not sure why. I guess it's the arguing with what you say and what is really going on inside, it does suck the reader in. The last verse, "when I say I'm angry" comes as a real surprise when you sya "I am"
as you expect it to be a case of youre not really angry, oh I dunno... I know what I mean. A good read in any case :)
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by cerberus74 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like what you have to say. I really can relate. However, I think the way you said it was very reptitive and could have been portryed more poetically. Good start!
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by RainyWriter | [ Reply to This ]
  huh, I'm a little confused. I understand -

when i say that i miss you
i mean that i want to be missed by you

but then you write a line like

when i say that im hungry
i mean that im really just to full

to make the lines clearer you may want to elaborate more on these ideas because i think they have potential.

Selene
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem is kind of generic, but it is good expression. I thnk that you should elaberate a little.
I like the lines,
"when i say that im sad
im really just too scared to say afraid"
These lines are really good. I think that you are capable of better...
<3 liz renee
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Liz_Renee | [ Reply to This ]


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