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Her name was Unknown.
I only knew few facts about her.
She led a chaotic life,
constantly enraging her parents.
Her hair color was a dark shade of purple.
Had had more than 10 piercings.
She was a rebel,
In a school uniform.
Some would call her weird,
Just because she drums to a different drumbeat.
I would call her perfect.
I always dreamed a story about us together.
I would be the protaganist who would save her from this cruel world.
Her parents would be the antagonist who try to shelter her from her own dreams.
In my dreams,
Me and her would run off
to live a careless life
on the back roads of America.
These dreams will never come true.
For she had became a
free-spirited, wild child.
Her parents could not
They packed up
and moved to Memphis.
Where she would go to a strict Boarding school.
I only wish i had
had the courage to talk to her.
I only wish I knew her name.
I only wish that we were closer together.
| The ideeas are good, but don't you think you could rewrite it as prose? With the exact same words? The flow seems a bit forced. Don't get me wrong, i like post-modern poems, but this would look better as a random-thoughts themed writing.|
I really like it though, the struggles of a teenager who thins he lost the chance of his life. Well-written. Have a brilliant,depression-free day.
|| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ] || well we all regret things in our life and i can tell you regret not having the guts to find out her name...but everything happens for a reason and i'm sure she's fine...you have a spell mistake...frre-spirited and i think the drumbeat word in that line would be better as just beat...but don't get me wrong over all its good.||| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ] || i would probably shorten every stanza down to a couplet to make it flow a bit better. i love the topic. in the 3rd stanza id say she had more than instead of just had more than. i might say "she was a uniformed rebel", and in the next line say something about a uniform being a cage... maybe. but overall it was good.||| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ] |