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My Purple-Haired Rebel


Author: star_on_fire22
Elite Ratio:    2.89 - 58 /55 /19
Words: 200
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 795
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1269



Description:


Okay, I know this poem isn't that great.. but i had to write it for my creative writing class. she gave us 6 words and we had to write either a poem or story with them in it. the only thing i could come up with was this. please comment and tell me what you thought. Thanks in advance for telling me what to change and stuff. i could probably edit it away from the way i had to write it, and make it way better. well enjoy! The six words i had to use were: chaotic, purple, drumbeat, antagonist, careless, and Memphis. So that is why they were used.


My Purple-Haired Rebel



Her name was Unknown.
I only knew few facts about her.

She led a chaotic life,
constantly enraging her parents.

Her hair color was a dark shade of purple.
Had had more than 10 piercings.

She was a rebel,
In a school uniform.

Some would call her weird,
Just because she drums to a different drumbeat.

I would call her perfect.

I always dreamed a story about us together.
I would be the protaganist who would save her from this cruel world.
Her parents would be the antagonist who try to shelter her from her own dreams.

In my dreams,
Me and her would run off
to live a careless life
on the back roads of America.

Sadly,
These dreams will never come true.

For she had became a
free-spirited, wild child.

Her parents could not
Understand.

They packed up
and moved to Memphis.
Where she would go to a strict Boarding school.

I only wish i had
had the courage to talk to her.

I only wish I knew her name.

I only wish that we were closer together.




Submitted on 2006-04-06 09:37:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  The ideeas are good, but don't you think you could rewrite it as prose? With the exact same words? The flow seems a bit forced. Don't get me wrong, i like post-modern poems, but this would look better as a random-thoughts themed writing.
I really like it though, the struggles of a teenager who thins he lost the chance of his life. Well-written. Have a brilliant,depression-free day.
-Angie-
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ]
  well we all regret things in our life and i can tell you regret not having the guts to find out her name...but everything happens for a reason and i'm sure she's fine...you have a spell mistake...frre-spirited and i think the drumbeat word in that line would be better as just beat...but don't get me wrong over all its good.
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]
  i would probably shorten every stanza down to a couplet to make it flow a bit better. i love the topic. in the 3rd stanza id say she had more than instead of just had more than. i might say "she was a uniformed rebel", and in the next line say something about a uniform being a cage... maybe. but overall it was good.
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]


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