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Not Good Enough


Author: Emerging Soul
ASL Info:    48/VERY female/Wisconsin
Elite Ratio:    4.36 - 1240 /1114 /244
Words: 371
Class/Type: Rant /Serious
Total Views: 1266
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 2381



Description:


A horrible, immature rant

A haunting pain that never goes away.


Not Good Enough



It was you that taught me the first time
That I was somehow not quite good enough
Your eagle-eye and stern voice
Criticized the smallest flaw
Personalized
As though I could somehow help but be
This person that I was
Voice dripping with sarcasm and derision
You picked at me
Like a vulture with its prey
The way I chewed
My hair
My voice
My budding womanhood
(first covered up with fat then stripped with starvation)
ME
Good grades were ignored
Good deeds went un-noticed
Talent and brains were not acknowledged
My thoughts and opinions never heard
Forever worthless
Forever wanting in your eyes

And all the while the imprint of hipocracy
Was stamped upon my brain
Mr Upright
Mr Christian
Mr Family Man
Mr Good Provider
Mr Faithful Husband (yeah, right)
Mr Choir Member
Mr Church Boardmember
Mr Sunday School Teacher
Mr Holier-than-thou

Why is it all of your daughters married abusive men?

Why is it your son cheated on every girl he dated and every woman he married?

Why is it your wife was a doormat? (and so woefully unhappy?)

Why is it that none of your offspring go to church now that they're grown?

Why is it that you've remarried and taken on her family and abandoned your own?

We're not enough for you
Not good enough
Not Christian enough
Not YOU

Bitter?

Ha, yes!

For I will never forget how you shrank away from me the last time I tried to hug you.

I will never forget the last time I was in your home and felt as though no one wanted me there.

I will never forgive the fact that you could probably pass my son on the street and not recognize him.

I will never get over how you stood in front of me that one time and introduced your new wife and her friend to an aquaintance and forgot about me.

I will never stop thinking my life is better off without you in it.

But most of all...I will never stop thinking that it was just because...

I was never good enough for you to love me.




Submitted on 2006-04-06 10:24:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  i have just re-read your poem and he sounds a lot like how mine made me feel....i suffer from social phobia and emotional problems and low self esteem , not sure if its from how i was mentally bullied or not but im growing stronger day by day and now im tacklling that demon Drink......God Bless
This is inspirational writing and one you remember
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by lostspirit | [ Reply to This ]
  I just have to say...
I have written something like this to my father...
but never have I had the guts inside to post it up.
this was very brave...
you wear you heart on your sleeve.
I hope that posting this has helped ease the pain a little.

Swanne
| Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
  There was no questioning your anger through this piece and a sense of sadness maybe there at the end? It's a sad situation and it's a shame that he can't read these words and see the affect that it's had on everyone involved. Feeling like this is horrible and I hope that everything has turned around for you. You know how good of a person you are and if this was how you say, it's not you that wasn't good enough to love. I understand every word of what you're saying and I'll send ya a hug, even though we don't know each other from Adam. Take it easy!

Candi
| Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  WOWOWOWOW........this is too true to my heart and im crying so hard reading this.....
just please dont blame yourself in anyway for his cold and judging heart , selfish love he sounds like he had.........
obviously this is a blessing i disguise because Mr Right is searching for you ........he will find you God will take care of that sweetheart....keep smiling your worth it :)
lotsaluv
god bless
Take care
Love Nadine <HUG>
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by lostspirit | [ Reply to This ]
  This is heart wrenching. Wow! I can feel the anger in this and the need to be heard after all this time. Even if only us at Elite read it. Since it is a rant, I can't suggest anything other then continue to let it all out. I could connect to some of the feelings in this and my heart goes out to you. Maybe one day you can turn this into a poem. It took guts to say all this. Pat yourself on the back. Hopefully you see now, only you can determind your worth.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  It shouldn't amaze me, cause god knows I'm been through enough sh-t of my own at the hands of uncaring and unloving parents, but surprisingly it does. how one who's supposed to love you unconditionally, can screw you over so royally and walk away as if he didn't have a care in the world.

But know that as much as it's your loss, he's the one who's lost the most. He's lost you.

| Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by junemarie | [ Reply to This ]


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