Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Our Weeping Raivn.

Author: jessie thomas
ASL Info:    24/F/Alabama
Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 299 /338 /79
Words: 142
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1893
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1070


Ok, well it is all symbolic. I think Raivn and Jaz will understand it the best. So tell me what you think.

Our Weeping Raivn.

Alas, alas!
Where hath the Raivn gone?
The beautiful, dark creature,
That seems to eminate sadness.

The free and winged spirit,
Passing gracefully through our lives.
Completely unaware of its beauty,
Of its importance.

The Raivn, the Raivn!
I've found it!
It's here!
Look inside the devil's pocket.
Before his wench comes near.

We peek inside his pocket,
Where our Raivn sits.
Our poor, weeping Raicn.
Now reduced in size.

We make ourselves known
To our Raivn.
'Look at what he's done!'
Directing us toward a car,
The devil's speaker box.

There sits a tiny couch,
A tiny bed, tiny chairs.
A place meant for our Raivn.
A dolls life, for our Raivn.

Our poor weeping Raivn,
Playing the part of the devil's toy.
Our graceful, winged Raivn.
Its heart entrapped by a contemptible boy.

Submitted on 2006-04-06 16:32:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  At least I am no longer in that contemptible boy's pocket, yo...

This is still as pretty as it was the first time I read it...
| Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  I take it Raivn is a real person? And her characteristics must be Raven-like. If I am correct, the way you allude to the bird and the person is brilliant. I love this. Very beautiful, I am sure that Raivn will love it.

sincerest affections
| Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by madhatress | [ Reply to This ]
  this is awesome! i agree that its like jazz and older styles of poetry, but on a less deep level it reminds me of raivn's story where she gets shrunk so that her man (tony) can keep her in his pocket.....

love it!!

| Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
  "Our poor, weeping Raivn.
Now reduced in size."

To me it seems like that stands for someone being belittled by others. Like put down or something, but that's just me.
Also, something about a "devil" of a boyfriend comes out from this. But what I liked more than the symbolism is the Old English used here, it makes it seem almost antique for some odd reason and it nearly reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe (I love him).
there's not much more to say about this...nothing bad at all. I need to read a horrible poem, cuz I'm making myself look like I love everybody's poetry, lol. Anyways, keep it up!

Peace....for now or later
| Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  I sort of think on the same lines of Jaz. I like the way you used Raivn as a person (which Raivin is a person) and the bird. I liked the style and rhythm of the words. It sort of reminds me poets from the older times. Anyway, keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm with Steven...this is my favorite part:

Our poor weeping Raivn,
Playing the part of the devil's toy.
Our graceful, winged Raivn.
Its heart entrapped by a contemptible boy.

I love it! Is this your attempt to get your own poetry folder on my computer? Cause it just might work...

This is very pretty. I don't really know what to say, cause it's about me, and I can't very well be like...oh man, I so relate to this. That would be crazy. I also like how you used the Old English thing...This is gonna go on my favorites...
| Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  Let me tell you....I totally understand this poem. Well....I believe I do. Correct me if I am wrong about this....but is Tony not the wicked devil?

"The free and winged spirit,
Passing gracefully through our lives.
Completely unaware of its beauty,
Of its importance."

I really liked that part because I am always trying to tell Raivn how beautiful she is and how she makes a BIG difference in our lives and how we love her.

I also understand where you get the "teeny" things in this poem like the "tiny Raivn" and the "tiny couch" and on and on......

I would say my favorite part is......

"Our poor weeping Raivn,
Playing the part of the devil's toy.
Our graceful, winged Raivn.
Its heart entrapped by a contemptible boy"

That part really makes me sad because I hate to see my Raivn as a toy and all. Bah.......

But great write Jess! I'm adding this to my favorites. Out of all the poems that I have read lately.....I can truly understand and feel this because this affects me....deeply.

| Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
  I think you were talking about negativity in this write and sadly how it seems to have absorbed a girl who is now filled with negativity
It is sad when one becomes acustom to the negative so much they seem to have lost their will to replace it with the positive
I do hope you find the Peace you are looking for
God Bless
| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  A looks like you are saying, hey what happened to the old girl I knew who was strong, why are you letting this boy get you down making you feel little and like crap. Very powerful writing. I loved the almost old english used in this, it gave it a older and polished view on watching someone you know suffer a heartbreak. Nice flow, and great imagery. I liked this alot. Good work.

| Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  yEHA i AM WITH everybody else this is the greatest. And i loved the last lines. and I like how you use raivn in the literal sence and as a bird to. artistic and pretty
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?