Description: well i wrote this when i was totally drunk last saturday... i dont know ..
Recoil of the Hate -------------------------------------------
My desire for loving you
took me to crucify myself
between your skin and lust.
This night will be
for marking me your sorrow
for not loving me
when the light walked though
Dream because your bed
is waiting for the waves
of your flesh.
Suffer when i own your flesh
full of lust and love
because you will feel
the recoil of the hate
that is in your soul
though should be "through" your obscurity..
and just wanted to let you know the begining is deep and wonderful but the ending kinda destroys it..I know this can be more than what it already is..that's why I'm letting you know..find that spark!
Ok I love your drunken talent..but something is missing in this poem..the spark of it..some of these people are right..you might wanna go over it and find that missing piece to bring the thrill..still very goood!
Well........ I aggree you might want to look this over when you're sober... But kudos for making even a wee bit of sense whilst drunk... It has the potential to be pretty good, and puzzling though the first three lines are, I like the idea of it. In the end your passion will be your demise. Kinda cool, but it could be better. Rachel
oh my god. this is..WOW. extremely beautiful. and lustful...and romantic.....and hard core. a big mix. you should dig deeper and figure out why it is you write like this.. this is obviously your desire...you write about this enogh... xoxo me
I agree somewhat with maggie. I was kinda thrown off at some of this. Atleast you did ok while drunk though. I cant write anything when Im drunk. Might be because I drink alot. Well, nice job anyway dude, try write it sober.
I disagree with you MS totally...i think his imagery is perfect....i think he needs to work on the punctuation ...other than that i love them..."Dream because your bed is waiting for the waves of your flesh" this line is so eroticly perfect....Good Job!!!
this was kinda of trippy, okay more like creepy. I think you may want to rewrite this in a sober state of mind. Nice imagery, but it made no sense to me at all. Amazingly, you kept a nice flow. This needs, more clarifictaion, a better flow, and less melodrama. I'm sure you can handle that. lol. Not bad for being drunk as a skunk.