[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Recoil of the Hatedots

    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 864
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 481

       well i wrote this when i was totally drunk last saturday... i dont know ..

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRecoil of the Hatedots

    My desire for loving you
    took me to crucify myself
    between your skin and lust.
    This night will be
    for marking me your sorrow
    for not loving me
    when the light walked though
    your obscurity.
    Dream because your bed
    is waiting for the waves
    of your flesh.
    Suffer when i own your flesh
    full of lust and love
    because you will feel
    the recoil of the hate
    that is in your soul

    Submitted on 2006-04-06 16:39:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    though should be "through" your obscurity..
    and just wanted to let you know the begining is deep and wonderful but the ending kinda destroys it..I know this can be more than what it already is..that's why I'm letting you know..find that spark!
    | Posted on 2007-09-17 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok I love your drunken talent..but something is missing in this poem..the spark of it..some of these people are right..you might wanna go over it and find that missing piece to bring the thrill..still very goood!
    | Posted on 2007-09-17 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      Not my cup of tea this time.

    Crazy can be good, but it needs a spark of something to make it work, and this lost the plot a coupe of times, enough for the reader to wonder too much, instead of swimming with the story.

    I can write while drunk, but it's only after many years of practise...lol

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well........ I aggree you might want to look this over when you're sober... But kudos for making even a wee bit of sense whilst drunk...
    It has the potential to be pretty good, and puzzling though the first three lines are, I like the idea of it. In the end your passion will be your demise.
    Kinda cool, but it could be better.
    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my god. this is..WOW. extremely beautiful.
    and lustful...and romantic.....and hard core. a big mix.
    you should dig deeper and figure out why it is you write like this..
    this is obviously your desire...you write about this enogh...
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree somewhat with maggie. I was kinda thrown off at some of this. Atleast you did ok while drunk though. I cant write anything when Im drunk. Might be because I drink alot. Well, nice job anyway dude, try write it sober.
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with you MS totally...i think his imagery is perfect....i think he needs to work on the punctuation ...other than that i love them..."Dream because your bed
    is waiting for the waves
    of your flesh" this line is so eroticly perfect....Good Job!!!

    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      this was kinda of trippy, okay more like creepy. I think you may want to rewrite this in a sober state of mind. Nice imagery, but it made no sense to me at all. Amazingly, you kept a nice flow. This needs, more clarifictaion, a better flow, and less melodrama. I'm sure you can handle that. lol. Not bad for being drunk as a skunk.

    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The World written by jjd
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Etiquette written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Shi written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]