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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Those Lifeless Wallsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: patrick o_riley
    ASL Info:    16, male, ontario
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 70/91/25
    Words: 228
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 887
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1464



    Description:
       This poem is about manny different things, what do you think its about, in some areas its my oppion againts war or just the power of love. Tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThose Lifeless Wallsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The walls that once held this city back are now broken down,
    The prisoners set free,
    The forever stale smelling air now fresh and darkness is no more.

    Tasting the salt in the air when you wake,
    Hearing the waves crash against the shore,
    Pain and suffering are no more.

    Thoughts I have of this kind are rare,
    For I was born in a secluded town,
    Looming and cold brick towers blocking out the sun.

    Lifeless people walk the streets,
    Dressed like a funeral procession,
    Black circles surrounds there eyes, these brain washed robots.

    Only thunder can be heard,
    Never any birds singing southing lullabies
    Only babies loud and painful shrieks.

    I pray for life outside these walls.

    Love is my only prayer,
    My mother can provide this southing light,
    A warming touch and wholesome feel.

    If my mother were to go,
    I would be lost in a world so cold and dark,
    Maybe a child could shed some light onto my cold heart

    The light of love will break these walls and free us all,
    So together all the townspeople shall stand,
    Neighbours, family and friends letting our love shine bright.

    The walls do crumble and once again we are free,
    Together in unity for an eternity of happiness,
    Outside those dark and lifeless walls.




    Submitted on 2006-04-06 19:52:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Whoa man...This is awesome...even more so than when I proofed it for you. I really love it now that I can see it without my little marks here and there all over it. It feels flawless to me now. I like how the line "I pray for life outside these walls" feels now that it's on its own. It really gives the feeling that your persona is really alone. I also noticed on my last read all of the light imagery that you used. Like, refering to a lot of things as dark and funeral procession (that implies to me all the black and stuff); but then you bring light to things, talking about things shining bright and the soothing light. You have really kept this tied tight together. I've noticed that a couple of times you've had a good idea, but you briefly lose it in the middle. You held onto it this time, and held on strong. I've really noticed since I started reading your stuff the development of your writing skills. This was really beautiful man. You are definately going on my favs for this...keep it up, and let me know if you ever need some help again...

    Jess
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      What I got from this was this person was sick of being oppressed and long for happiness and joy for himself and all within the town he lived in. I think this was a very deep and poetic way to describe life in a war torn country. I liked the flow and I thought the writing was very good. there were a couple of typos, like southing should be soothing. Overall, this was very good.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a real good write
    This write shows with unity A gathering of friends as one
    One can achieve happiness much more quicker then if they tried on their own
    I to believe that friends are the right hand of the lord and family the left
    Friends are actually an extension of family if we look at them closely
    Great Job with this one
    Please keep in touch
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Liam, my lover! I love this! It reminds me exactly of an indie film that I watched somewhere at sometime with my friend. But its sad poem, like the world is grey and bleak. We're all drones, afraid to lash out. Man thats scary. But nice poem


    X- Love The Bluga
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by atonement | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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