This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17. It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different. All content will be deleted. Backup anything important. --- Staff
I walk into school every morning, I used to wear black all the time, it's still my favorite color, hell I even still wear it occasionally, but not as much as I used to. why? well, when I wear black my friends check my arms, so, when they decided I needed help, protection from myself and they decided I couldn't hurt myself anymore, that's when the blue-jeans and button-up shirts started, see people assosciate black clothes with "problem children" but the clothes? they don't MEAN ANYTHING! I could wear priest robes but my heart would still be bleeding! wouldn't it? so after a few weeks of pretending i wasnt slicing deep into my thinghs every night and having my arms screened every day, here I am, siting in a lazy-boy, dripping blood onto my keyboard... wearing a bright blue button-up, almost as if my mind is making a statement.... I wonder what is wrong with me anyway.... I mean, these days, I cant hardly feel my wrists, I can hardly feel the cold blade piercing my skin unles i cut really deep, a part of me screams when I do it, but a larger part quells that feeling and relishes in the non-thought, the failure to register anything but the pain.... nothing can touch me within my wall of blood. but then, that not true either. I feel like I'm drowning, sometimes, in a sea of emotion, but I cant feel anything and I have to feel something, anything, pain is sometimes the only thing that tells me I'm alive...
| THEY decided, huh? One more thing to not have control over, right? So you find a way around it...beneath it...over it...through it...because when you're backed into a corner you just make a hole in the wall to escape...|
"Almost as if my mind is making a statement..."
Cutting yourself is the only safe way to express your emotions, isn't it? If no one else knows...no one will be angry at you or argue with you or make you say out loud the things that you feel...you won't make any waves...but nothing will change.
Yeah, I've been there where you are.
I can give you advice. You probably won't want to hear it. Not yet. But if you ever want to talk, I'll listen.
|| Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ] |