[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Sunrisedots

    Author: zhi wei
    ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171/203/53
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 861
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1100

       sunrise gives me memories.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    is ever-shining,
    as the dawn breaks
    into pieces of imprecision;
    beams of brilliance,
    as it scatters away the shadow
    of the fleeting night.

    But it is not the music of escape
    that echoes in my ears;
    In this moment
    it is a welcoming sort of song
    of daylight
    drawing near.

    O, even with the surrender of the stars
    I smile,
    to have the darkness drowned
    And the sunlight’s kiss
    like foremost breath
    is one like no other;

    it is a swish of sound
    after a prolonged silent suffering;

    a second of sight
    when all is blind and broken;

    a short-lived scent
    a field of the fairest flowers;

    a transitory taste
    yet so tantalizing to the tongue;

    a trivial touch
    which breaks the walls
    of this cold, uncaring heart;

    And all is at once
    as I smile to see
    the sunrise
    in your eyes.

    Submitted on 2006-04-07 09:21:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      carpe diem! The love of the rebirth of the day.

    "But it is not the music of escape
    that echoes in my ears;
    In this moment
    it is a welcoming sort of song
    of daylight
    drawing near."

    You are really painting a triumphant picture of the emotions that arise for you with the sight of the sun.

    The section where you start each stanza with:
    "It is a...a..." The first read it was sort of fragmented to me. But upon a second read I found that quite the opposite. This divergence in the form lead to focusing on getting a full perspective of the sun in your eyes.

    i dug it. simple and sweet.

    nice write.
    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by googie | [ Reply to This ]
      ahh yes, the sunrise- quite romantic. always to the east! a wonderful ode to the night's defeat. a sunrise... this one seems more like a nature piece (but thats just probably me, ive been seeing nature pieces everywhere.) but very still very human, and retains the very romantic notions.

    you weave it masterfully from beginning to end, and you sound like a meastro during rehearsals in front of an orchestra, and then, your audience arrives:

    "And all is at once
    as I smile to see
    the sunrise
    in your eyes."

    that last stanza was just a sublime touch, and one can tell you were meticulous of your word choice in the senses. the more i read it, the more i see the maestro conducting the sunrise itself. his baton striking the air and leaving saffron streaks with every swift swish of his skilled hand.

    a truly fine write.


    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]