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    dots Submission Name: The Quest (revised)dots

    Author: adnil
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 514/286/57
    Words: 306
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1138
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1936

       I hope I was able to fix the parts of this that need to be,it seems to feel right now,but then I well let you guys be the judge of that,thanks for taking the time to read

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Quest (revised)dots

    Little Bear sat upon a mountain mesa
    Offering prayers to the four corners of the earth
    Though Little Bear wasn't sure he was ready
    For the responsibility of his birth
    His father had been a good and wise chief to the people
    He'd held their repect and love
    It wouldn't be easy following in his moccasins
    So to the great spirits above
    Little Bear chanted for guidance
    As the fire embers grew low
    A mist surrounded him
    And in the middle of it a light began to glow
    Then suddenly a great spirit was standing before him
    With a beautiful smile upon her face
    She said, I heard your prayers calling
    As I traveled through time and space
    And as I looked within your mind an heart
    I saw your yesterdays and your tomorrows
    So I shall send you a spirit guide
    Who will help you in all things even sorrows
    As she slowly faded back to wherever she came
    Litttle Bear said, but how will I know what my guide may be
    She replied...look to the horizon
    As the sun begins to rise and you'll see
    In the morning as he arose
    He heard his name being uttered
    As little Bear turned,,before him was a magnificent Eagle
    Alighting a boulder in a soft flutter
    Greeting Little Bear...I have been sent to guide you
    And I shall always strive
    To bring you knowledge and wisdom
    So you and your people may thrive
    He then gave Little Bear three feathers
    Telling him they would forever....
    Stand for courage, wisdom and honor
    For no one before him had ever...
    Been given the sacred feathers
    From that time on as Indian lore tells
    Little Bear wore them with pride and dignity
    And chiefs of every nation as well
    So man and spirit could always walk together

    Submitted on 2006-04-07 17:30:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed reading your wonderful story which held my interest throughout its lines.

    My favorite part was the ending,
    "From that time on as Indian lore tells
    Little Bear wore them with pride and dignity
    And chiefs of every nation as well
    So man and spirit could always walk together"
    because it leaves the reader with such a warm feeling.

    :-) Sharon

    | Posted on 2007-12-12 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Not a bad revision Linda thanks for giving me the heads up on this, it was a delightful read. I just need to point out a few errors in this that are holding it back. Firstly this line;

    "Litttle Bear said, but how will I know what my guide may be"

    You have an a typo error, you have three t's in the word little when there are only two. Another
    in this line

    "As little Bear turned,,before him was a magnificent Eagle"

    You have two commas as you can see where their should only be one.

    Other than those that I have pointed I see no real problems with this. It had a nice use of imagery and its flow and rhythm were okay, maybe you could do a little improve on the flow but then again who am I to tell you that, I could rhyme to save myself. Anyways keep up the good work and have a blessed and wonderful day.
    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good revision Linda
    As I said before there is a reason God created the animals before humans
    I really loved this
    It is sad how poorly Native americans are treated
    Correct me if im wrong but they discovered America not Christopher Columbus
    Why has history never corrected this
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Good revision Linda. I like the way you wrapped up the ending this time. I was no longer lost and trying to keep up with the story line. You did a great job with this. I would only suggest improving the flow, especially since it is a rhyming poem. I think you did a fine job with this one. I'm so proud of you. Great work.

    | Posted on 2006-04-07 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Well written with a structure to match. It kept me interested throughout...and that is no mean feat.

    Well done - a good write.

    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

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