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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Not Suredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyHeart2Yours
    ASL Info:    18.female.Pennsylavnia
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 96/112/42
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 167
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 712



    Description:
       I know it stops suddenly and it doesn't really make much sense, it's supposed to be that way. It's kind of like..a storm can roll in quickly, and end suddenly. Love can spark, hurt can roll through, but as fast as it comes, it can all just leave. *shrugs*


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    dotsNot Suredots
    -------------------------------------------


    As claps of thunder strike a midnight sky,
    the leaves of the trees by the window are shadowed across a dim room.
    A single candle burns by the bed,
    Casting a shadow of self doubt.
    Who comes calling after all these years,
    tapping at the glass,
    mistaken by the tears falling from the eyes of one once loved.
    Chills sweep through the once cozy room,
    as a cold wind passes through,
    snubbing out the flame of reasoning,
    pulling close the face of love the trees bend to the ever lingering soul.
    A flash of lightening flicks across the room as the thunder rolls thick,
    a drawl as slow as time itself as the world stops.





    Submitted on 2006-04-08 02:12:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice poem...love the choice of words. I'm not used to this specific structure, but it's refreshing to read your work, you have your own style,it's not the typical love poem, i sensed darkness and depth. I like it, good work.
    Have a nice, depression-free day.
    -Angie-
    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ]
      It was cool, but the first four lines are very cliché. other then that I agree with the other two, this had great imagery and a very dark feeling to it.
    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with SinCeer its sensicality is weird but thats a great thing. You conjured great imagery and i had a kinda dark feeling whilst reading
    Loving this
    J
    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      Great READ, it made sense up until the end. But at the same time it does make sense because like you said its supposed to be that way.

    It had great word usage and provided a vivid image as i progressed thought the poem.

    STorm and love is a great metaphor to describe the unpredictability love can be.

    PC

    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Not as bad as you may feel. You need to give yourself more credit sometimes. I enjoyed this read. The only thing I have a porblem with is the structure of some of the lines. Some been longer than the others and following no particular pattern. Maybe you could edit that.
    But other than that it was worth the read.

    Take care
    and be happy

    Jason
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]


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