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    dots Submission Name: Pole Dancerdots

    Author: wewak11
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 3436/3630/329
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 2151
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 723


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPole Dancerdots

    Why chew crayons, Rebecca?
    Is there not one pith-helmeted hunter
    bold enough to safari into
    that defoliated jungle?

    Sugar and spice melts to caramel
    as you lick the wooden spoon
    ducking and weaving
    to the beaterís rhythm.

    Sleep-deprived and swooning
    dreaming of ball gowns
    and magnolia blossoms
    in Taraís orchard.

    Oak tree swings and ponds
    spinning tops and jack-in-box
    gather fairy dust
    on the far side of the glass.

    The leaves rustle as you
    climb that shining birch.
    Defy the beat in your head
    ride away from the see-saw
    on a colored horse.

    Submitted on 2006-04-08 20:08:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    For a split second, I almost dreaded reading this. I was thinking, "Oh dear God, another poem about strippers...how cold, how misunderstood, how typical!" And then, remembering who I was reading, I felt a deep shame for thinking that way about you. All of this before I even read it! So now I'm amped up; wondering if it will be funny, Graeme style. Sad and deep, painted in the dark and seedy underbelly of GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! and neon signs that look like Hell and smell like Satan himself. So then I finally read it. And I grinned like a cheeky cat, giggled a bit to myself because I suddenly felt like a little girl who has just been invited to the Fairy Queen's castle for tea. I've had moments like that while I've been on stage. Pausing to show my nipple rings to the man at the rack, all the while thinking that I just CAN'T wait until Saturday when I go to the beach, so I can sit on my favorite cliff and do nothing. To be of no concern. I'm babbling just trying to describe it, and I feel that I've failed.

    I don't think that this is a piece of lost innocence. Quite the opposit, really. It is in honor of innocence. And making this woman a stripper (dancer) only magnifies that image. If it had been a regular woman, with a normal job...yes, it would have been magical, as all of your work is, but I don't think it would have hit as hard as this did. People don't believe that strippers can be innocent. Just as they can't believe a prostitute can be silly, or that a child can be evil. They are oxymorons. Oh, look at me go on (though you probably knew I would, oui?)

    Simply wonderful, friend. Never a disappointment.

    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
      This is effing brill, mr. greame, it's beautiful, it's the innards of a character who you pay to see only on the outside. Pretty deep. I enjoyed all this stuff, with the natural feel, though the first two verses put me off a bit, i still like them... well, maybe not so much the second. More the last line of hte second verse, it bothers me somewhat, but all in all this is a great read that i enjoyed a lot. So thanks, have a good one, and peace. -rue
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      I can tell that the girl in the poem wants somthing more than what she has, and I can kind of realate to that. I think everyone feels that at some point in their life. I really love the vivide picture you painted of the dreams she was having, I felt like I was almost there. Though that didnt surprise me, you have dazled me in that way before, Superb! 5 flying kisses out of 5. Good Write.
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by DiamondTears | [ Reply to This ]
      Sir Graeme,
    I read this a couple of times.
    First time: the title caught my attention (I have such a gutterous mind) and I was purposely looking for something sexual; but it felt more sensual from a sexual stand. I credit that to your wonderful way with imagery

    Second time: I was looking for some hidden message and felt this portrayed a young girl becoming woman too soon - the body being a woman - the mind still a child

    Then I had to go and break everything down thinking I still was missing something and that earned me a bit of education and more respect for how you can take life's situations and turn them into colorful masterpieces...

    And finally I lit up a cigarette, had some Bailey's in my coffee and read it as if I hadn't seen it before...and before me I saw a most beautiful young woman dancing to the rythym of nature torn between a life filled with dance/passion (despite what those watching may see) and a life with the more simple things of not so long ago...filled with her friends (who only see her as a stripper)

    Ok, so I'm a bit warped in the head, but I am rather close to the "underbelly" of the world and know dancers & strippers...here you have a dancer who appreciates the dance and thrives from it...and those who dont understand see a "stripper".
    I'm not sure how to explain it so I'll shut up my ramblings here and leave it as - excellent & thought provoking poetry...well done my friend

    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Yes, these girls who do this are young and they let go all of their childhood dreams and goals, in order to make money to survive. I like the way you painted a picture of how they deserve better, and want for better like Scarlette from Gone With The Wind. You showed how they escape mentaly to keep working. This was very strong and carried a powerful message. Great imagery and the writing was wonderful. Great work!

    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      The loss of childhood innocence. Can there be anything more tagic? Especially for a woman who has entered the realm of adult entertainment...

    I love the two absolutes here: The crayons, sugar and spice, ball gowns, magnolia;s blossoms, Tara's orchard's, tree swings, jack-in- the-boxes, fairy dust, and see-saws in contrasted to pith-helmeted hunters, shaved nether regions, metal poles, and loud livacious music.

    Tragic really. Reality based pieces are always so sad.

    Nice way to describe the difference between the fantasies of youth and the fantasies of adulthood.

    I found a tear that corner of youth street an adult avenue.


    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      Graeme this is a very good and interesting write
    Thou to many the first choice would be to think of this write and sex together
    I dont think of it that way
    I think of this write as being spoken from a womans point of view as she weighs the positive versus the negative in her choice to become married
    I really liked this one
    Very different for you but very thought provoking
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Such imagery! I had to read it when I saw that title and I must say that it was truely far more than I expected. You paint the most interesting images in this piece and use the words so ornately. I have read many of your works and have to say I am fan. I loved the metaphors that were both entangled in this piece and the piece itself! Forgive me, I am not aware of the allusion behind "Tara's orchard". Parts of this made me think of a garden of Eden of sorts. Twisted but colorful and fascinating. An amazing piece for something so looked down upon. Magnificent job!

    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't get sadness out of this, simply eroticism, the dancer fantasizing while she dances, and perhaps a loss of innocence. I LOVED your visuals and your unusual images you included in the poem. Not unusual compared to some of your other poems, which mix in fantasy & childhood things, but unusual when one thinks of pole dancing! Very sensual and much appreciated!
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]

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