Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Ancient Mountains

Author: Gannondalf
ASL Info:    38 M Oregon
Elite Ratio:    8 - 145 /24 /13
Words: 289
Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship
Total Views: 1192
Average Vote:    3.3333
Bytes: 1593


I do Live by what I would call Majestic Mountains. It's great to have inspration like that. However I try to convey with symbolisim moments of time enjoy. Any and all coments are welcome thank you.

Ancient Mountains

Who I'd like to meet:
I Live surrounded by majestic Mountains
and Ancient trees.
Helps me to keep humble.
A favorite past time is fishing.
As far back as I can remember,
I have had a line in the water.
Not to mention all those that took time,
so we can toss in a line.
Brings back memories, that serve me well.
Even if it was just once upon a line.
I still hold on to the memory,
of past present and future time.
Really its all about,
Family and friends that I hold on to.
with each cast of the phone or press of a key,
or maybe even a passing sigh.
Still cannot replace those moments that live inside.
What I'd like to meet, would be the times that have passed.
By the trees, by the waters edge, shadowing the corner that holds a story of unforgotten waters.
To see them relived or perhaps
reborn or if you like remade.
Yes I am referring to the one that got away
The one that amounted to the wall and stood out tall.
The one that all laughed,for it was to small.
Yet not to small to be forgotten.
Or maybe the words that were never spoken.
Sometimes sadly the rod is broken.
However new rods are bent,
new line is cast.
New friendships more memories to last.
A stillness of activity waiting to pass.
To all those who can relate.
I hope this memory you do take.
May it be that you are surrounded by Ancient trees.

Submitted on 2006-04-09 00:25:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  "Yet not to small to be forgotten.
Or maybe the words that were never spoken.
Sometimes sadly the rod is broken."

Loved these lines

Here we see again, something new and inventive... inspired by the mountains you live by that grows into the emotions you feel everyday. I have no complaints about this at all...
only a question,
"I Live surrounded by majestic Mountains
and Ancient trees."
Why have you chosen to capitalize the L in live, the M in mountains and the A in ancient?
Does this hold some special meaning that I have looked over?
| Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
  puzzling isnt that....
you have just had journey in to stillness and the evermoving time.. all in all its longing, longing for things lost in time, longing to relive, revisit and actually remember them as they were....

yup, i wish i too lived in serenity as the one u have mentioned..

| Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
  The image and auora of this poem is very ture and very real. You do not betray what you are describing or the emotion you are trying to bring from your reader. The metaphor of fishing to the journey of life is a very concrete image and helps even the slowest of poetry readers to grasp your meaning.
Yet, however sweet I think this to be you must take the time to look over spelling and grammar. I think we both know this is a beautiful piece, so should you really do it the injustice of making small grammar offenses. You need to watch where you need commas and where you do not. And you should also keep an eye out for switch tenses (past to present etc...)
But overall I enjoyed this piece. I could see a man fishing, maybe alone now, thinking of all the time past, all the people gone, and all the things he has experienced. I think you brought this from your heart and that should be admired.
<3 Domenica
| Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by beldolore | [ Reply to This ]
  As I was going to say...........well before ZipLock.
Fishing is so much more than puting a line in the water. Thats one thing I envy about you Jesse. The peace the quiet the thrill when the line quickley tightens. the time buy the water hanging out with friends. Reading this brought back a lot of time a lot of memories. ...........Good Job!!! Joshua
| Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by ooononotthatguy | [ Reply to This ]
  The poet has eloquently described friendship! Very good. Though it is rather symbolic,it brings back memories of past and forgotten friendships. In this fast track and materialistic life,people tend to forget the importance of friends. Nice poem and I like it.
| Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by ayilone | [ Reply to This ]
  oOo. I really like this. I like the symbalism.

Even if it was just once upon a line.

with each cast of the phone or press of a key

What I'd like to meet, would be the times that have passed.
By the trees, by the waters edge, shadowing the corner that holds a story of unforgotten waters

Those are my favorite lines. very nice.
| Posted on 2006-07-23 00:00:00 | by MyKemicalfailur | [ Reply to This ]
  I do have to disagree with the previous poster and refute your eloquence, because there is a dearth of eloquence in this "poem." I am not sure why you directed me to this poem, especially because you spelled "Ancient" in the title incorrectly. With strategically placed conjunctions and punctuation this almost makes a decent paragraph. I'm sure you were proud of the "majestic mountains and ancient trees" metaphors, but it'll take more than that to convince me that you have the ability to write poetry.
Do avoid shortening words like "you" to "u." One is not to treat poetry like an AOL chat room.
By the way, pet peeves of mine are incorrect spelling, bad punctuation, and no line breaks. I could not have been taken out the poem more quickly when I saw no line breaks and the only excuse for horrible spelling is if English is your second language or if you're below the age of 9. So "Gannondalf" (It's "Gandalf" try to get your own name right), I challenge you to write a true poem.
| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Ziplock006 | [ Reply to This ]
i enjoyed reading this... it just took me to a place of tranquility and peace
Descriptively brilliant and made me think of my brother and me hanging out so its all cool
Only slight quibble with punctuation and grammar but never mind
Thanks for the pleasure
| Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?