[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Untended Gardendots

    Author: mugsy
    ASL Info:    68/M/Sooke/ B.C./Can.
    Elite Ratio:    4.1 - 138/106/35
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 851
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 330

       "Just some thoughts I had while viewing an old house which used to have a magnificent garden, until the gentleman passed away. His widow was unable to keep it up and she missed him dearly....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Untended Gardendots

    The weeds grew tall
    Neath the garden wall,
    Its stones
    Once carefully
    Now cracked
    And green with moss,
    The old man gone now
    Unable to care,
    Yet she notices
    These things
    Of his passing,
    And sheds,
    A silver tear....

    Submitted on 2006-04-09 18:24:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      awww this is very sadly true of how life without the other half of you and the person you shared everything with has a huge affect on your life........the little things they once did cause the deepest pain of lonliness and the mourning of their presence .......
    I loved this it was short and yet very powerful....great imagery....i could see her gazing out her window and thinking how the garden would still be beautiful if he were still here....like looking out to her world now he is no longer with her....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa very moving piece ....i really enjoyed readiing this pumpkin....keep up the great works
    Lotsaluv and God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by lostspirit | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is written beautifully. I wouldn't change it at all. The imagery is great as Silence said, but I do feel some emotion in your words. This reminds me of my own grandparents. They are both in their late 80's. I can remember playing in their beautiful garden, and chasing butterflies. They can't care for it anymore, and most everything is dead. It is sad. Missing the beauty in life.
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      Good thing about it is that it had good imagery and its descriptive. Its free verse and i like that. These lines were sort of unclear: These things
    Of his passing,

    I also didnt get much emotion from this...some during the beginning but then it turned hollow towards the end...
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    This written by Chelebel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Genesis written by saartha
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]