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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Burning Fist Of Hatreddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dai Tu Rui
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Phiilippines
    Elite Ratio:    1.77 - 12/6/6
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 698
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 612



    Description:
       i hate hatred... but i don't want to let go of it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBurning Fist Of Hatreddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Some say I must release it,
    But I don't want to.
    I can hear some say keep it,
    Though I know I must let go.

    It feels like a burning fist,
    Pounding my heart inside.
    I want to escape this beast,
    But I can't, like my pride.

    The pain on me is so much,
    Up to the point of distress.
    Its dark shadow is such,
    And shakes my consciousness.

    It's like I've been so bad,
    I can't help myself to be one.
    For so long, I've been sad,
    I really wish this hatred were gone.




    Submitted on 2006-04-09 22:14:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I was just re reading this comment and I think I made a mistake.... when I said that there was an "It" missing ....well it wasn't precisely at the end ... it was between “let” and “go”, it would definitely make much more sense to have it there than at the end.... I feel like such an idiot.... my bad. Anyhow, was only a suggestion.


    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      Hay simple pain has many advantages. It fourms you and molds you. In to a better person if you let it. However anger is an emotion used with caution. It will drive you, drill a hole in you, if you let it. (Look up "If Only For A moument") Remember power under control. Joshua
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by ooononotthatguy | [ Reply to This ]
      well..i think ethan have nice suggestions,but it's really upto you..

    i really like this one..it shows so much hatred..anger..sort of things like that..
    you write simply but it's got that factor that makes the reader want to read more of what you write and know what you want to say.^_^

    actually,it was the reason i kind of liked writing..putting your feelings on paper..specially when no one seems to understand what you're going through,and start to hate..other people or yourself..but then i realized,letting go's the best way..that's for me,it might be different in your case though..take care.god bless!
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by raineces | [ Reply to This ]
      I can understand exact;ly what you feel. I feel the same way about something.....My sister people tell me its not good to hate her or have so much hatred for her but if they were in my shoes they would understand and its exactly what I feel like how you wrote it. I liked this poem a lot. Keep it boy and be strong. Whatever you need to get through.
    -Christina
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]
      anger write..... you forced the rhyme as that what it seems. tell me the truth. hate and anger are poems which i wrote read tat and say how to define hate.
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I can totally understand what you feel, I've written several poems driven by the same venom and wrath "Restlessly Frozen" or "A War in my Head" are just some examples. I don't really know what to say..... I wish I could help you.... or I which I could make you feel better somehow..... But I don't have the answer to the question you are allegedly asking. I do consider that writing helps a lot..... When there's no one around.... when there isn't a soul that can listen to what you are feeling, a pen and piece of paper can somehow diminish the pain. I used to wonder why I felt like that.... and as well as you never found the answer.... I believe that dejection comes and goes.... but then again life is full of surprises that mitigate this unrelenting downheartedness..... I assure that you'll fell better and that things will be ok..... The long awaited surprises will eventually come.... You’ll see.

    As for critiques........ it seems that in line 4 you missed the "it" at the end.... I guess that it’d sound better if you added that article. I did like the burning fist I thought that that image was remarkably good and telling.... the last line of the third stanza could be improved if you changed “and” by “that”.... just a suggestion....

    The ending was quite effective though I got the impression that when you were writing line 14 you ran out of ideas for it sounds incomplete....

    Well, as you could imagine I really enjoyed you piece and it sort of echoes the way I write.... that’s I can say ….

    Feel free to neglect all my observations if you don't agree with them.

    Take Care,

    Smiles,
    Ethan.

    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel your fire burning in your words. The anger holding on deep inside. I do not know what caused it .... but that is not what this is about. Just the tenacious of the beast. There is a mis spelling in the first stanza. here...Hear?
    The first 3 pieces flowed well only the first two lines in the last stanza escaped me.
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]


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