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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I AMdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MascaraTears69
    ASL Info:    14/f/cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 15/11/7
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 148
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 574



    Description:
       Just a poem about life. I'd like some feedback on what you think...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI AMdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am your daughter,not meeting your expectation
    I am your sister, not making a good impression
    I am your student,failing your every question
    I am your friend, hiding my depression
    I am your target, where you let out ur frustration
    I am your grandchild,part of the next generation
    I am a victim,of self-mutilation
    I am a musician, with poor intonation
    I am a teenager, with no ambition
    I am not happy, with no explanation
    I am locked up, until granduation
    I am me.
    Do you need a translation?




    Submitted on 2006-04-10 00:19:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love that. Every word is awesome.

    lol I was fascinated by the rhyming.
    It flowed perfectly too.

    I'm sorry my comments suck today, but I'm not feeling very wordy. I just really liked this and had to tell you

    Very nicely done
    Keep up the good work

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      This is amazing i absolutely loved this i wouldnt change a thing about it. It's incredible how lost you are yet you have such a knowledge of who you are (you know what i mean). This was a really good piece, it makes a really strong statement, you are who you are and the world needs to realize that. Very nice.

    Be Blessed,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      this seems smiple enough, the usual "i am me" thing with fill in here____. I would consider a reconstruction, and probabily some synonyms. The format is basic enough, that it should work with just about any declaration of composure, and revision. Welcome to the sight.
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it , no actually I love it , but maybe you should consider breaking it up like :
    I am your daughter,
    not meeting your expectation
    I am your sister,
    not making a good impression
    I am your student,
    failing your every question
    I am your friend,
    hiding my depression

    and so on…
    I have to admit something , I thought the two other poems would be the same as the first one in the beginning , but you surprised me , great work , keep it up , I look forward to read your next one
    ~~Drakoniss~~

    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by drakoniss | [ Reply to This ]



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