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    dots Submission Name: Its you and me on a Mondaydots

    Author: haileebobailee
    ASL Info:    18/F/NV
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 30/41/15
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1099

       I think it speaks for itself....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIts you and me on a Mondaydots

    Letters are copping out
    And phone calls are worse
    Letting the words
    Get twisted in miles
    Of telephone wires
    Or blurred in ink

    But you were always
    About taking the easy way
    A pen and piece of paper
    Your weapon of choice

    You filled the lines
    Of each page
    With perfectly thought out words
    And the phone calls
    with just the right amount of tears
    and thatís all I needed

    This isnít turning out the way I want,
    But if my heart says Iím sorry
    Can we leave it at that?
    You asked me in a note
    Last June
    After I ran into her

    You left it on my doorstep
    Cleverly wrapped in a photo album
    Filled with pictures of us
    With a mix tape of our favorite songs

    Your words didnít seem sincere
    They seemed cold and strained
    So I said no
    In person so that what I had to say
    Wasnít caught up in static
    Or lost in the mail

    Submitted on 2006-04-10 02:10:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Intricate1 on the parts that you need a little editing on but other than that this poem was extarodinarily good. You showed a lot of emotion and how that persons relationship is with that certain person. great write.

    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, first of all, I like this.. it shows an insightful amount of info (in a poetic way) of how the subject feels about the relationship she is in. Also, great title, which is what drew me to read this.
    There are a few touch-ups I would make,
    for example:
    in the 4th stanza, quotation marks where the "other" person is speaking.
    and the last stanza.. maybe allow "in peron" to have a line of its own.. for emphasis?

    I think you did well with this and it's certainly worth the read.
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]

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