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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Designs of a Dispirited Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: zhi wei
    ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171/203/53
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 898
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1110



    Description:
       doing free verse again!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDesigns of a Dispirited Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There is
    no pleasure in creating
    when all that is made
    has little destiny,
    or difference
    with all that bends
    or breaks.

    And happy endings
    are only designs
    of a dispirited heart
    dejected, and restrains
    to fall apart
    into the waning memory
    of a stain

    O, all that is beautiful
    is so very plain,
    for beauty
    is but a manifestation of the mind;
    a small and minute spark
    of curiosity,
    which is only later dimmed
    into darkness
    cold
    and alone.

    And all hope eludes
    your intentions,
    which have finally found
    true and honest thoughts;
    and you drown,
    harping on your wishful thinking
    of power
    to at least, at last
    know pleasure
    to defeat
    to destroy
    to have ruined
    all that you knew
    and loved
    for they have now
    ruined you.

    O, the perfect chance
    has passed
    now they leave you
    in your silence.




    Submitted on 2006-04-10 08:25:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "There is
    no pleasure in creating
    when all that is made
    has little destiny,
    or difference
    with all that bends
    or breaks."

    This is my avorite part. I knew that I was just a the beginning of a journey once I read this first stanza. And what a journy of feeling it is!

    "harping on your wishful thinking
    of power
    to at least, at last
    know pleasure
    to defeat
    to destroy
    to have ruined
    all that you knew
    and loved
    for they have now
    ruined you."

    Now ruined you. Yes! This is a great moment in the journy here. Anger an power, and the battle over those who have scorend you. This is a very powerful point here.

    Great work.
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by mywordscutmetoo | [ Reply to This ]
      "And happy endings
    are only designs
    of a dispirited heart
    dejected, and restrains
    to fall apart
    into the waning memory
    of a stain"
    This stanza is probably the one that needs the most work. If the happy endings, plural, are doing the holding back, then 'restrains' should not end with 's'.
    I would also decide, if I were you, on the place of punctuation in this piece. Unless there is a a particular reason for it, then I would suggest leaving the end line puncutuatin out entirely, relying on the natural breath given at the end of a line to add the pauses for you.
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]


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