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Designs of a Dispirited Heart


Author: zhi wei
ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171 /203 /53
Words: 147
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1100
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1110



Description:


doing free verse again!


Designs of a Dispirited Heart



There is
no pleasure in creating
when all that is made
has little destiny,
or difference
with all that bends
or breaks.

And happy endings
are only designs
of a dispirited heart
dejected, and restrains
to fall apart
into the waning memory
of a stain

O, all that is beautiful
is so very plain,
for beauty
is but a manifestation of the mind;
a small and minute spark
of curiosity,
which is only later dimmed
into darkness
cold
and alone.

And all hope eludes
your intentions,
which have finally found
true and honest thoughts;
and you drown,
harping on your wishful thinking
of power
to at least, at last
know pleasure
to defeat
to destroy
to have ruined
all that you knew
and loved
for they have now
ruined you.

O, the perfect chance
has passed
now they leave you
in your silence.




Submitted on 2006-04-10 08:25:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  "There is
no pleasure in creating
when all that is made
has little destiny,
or difference
with all that bends
or breaks."

This is my avorite part. I knew that I was just a the beginning of a journey once I read this first stanza. And what a journy of feeling it is!

"harping on your wishful thinking
of power
to at least, at last
know pleasure
to defeat
to destroy
to have ruined
all that you knew
and loved
for they have now
ruined you."

Now ruined you. Yes! This is a great moment in the journy here. Anger an power, and the battle over those who have scorend you. This is a very powerful point here.

Great work.
| Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by mywordscutmetoo | [ Reply to This ]
  "And happy endings
are only designs
of a dispirited heart
dejected, and restrains
to fall apart
into the waning memory
of a stain"
This stanza is probably the one that needs the most work. If the happy endings, plural, are doing the holding back, then 'restrains' should not end with 's'.
I would also decide, if I were you, on the place of punctuation in this piece. Unless there is a a particular reason for it, then I would suggest leaving the end line puncutuatin out entirely, relying on the natural breath given at the end of a line to add the pauses for you.
| Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]


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