Description: Ok well this was dedicated to a guy that was my best friend for like 6 years and I tried to make more of it and I ruined it. His name is Jonathan and now I dont even talk to him anymore because he hurt me and didnt even care of the pain he put me through....well here it is tell me what you think
Hurts Too Much -------------------------------------------
Its like a thousand knifes has just hit me
I now realize hurting me was your intention from the start
All this time I thought I was loving you too much
But I came to find out I was loving you enough
You blinded me to where I couldn't see
Exactly what the road lied ahead for you and me
I was just stupid to play your two person game
And I am only full of shame
I can not believe I fell for an asshole like you
Becasue it was your love that was never true
Hey, you have a few Tense errors. But other then that it's short, not quite as good as your others in that sense, but it has that ripping emotion that sets an audience to anger for you. I sorta wanna find this guy and beat him, just a little bit, but if he caused enough pain for something like this to flow through, then maybe it was an experience that was needed. Plus we learn from everything that happens.
I understood the poem, until I read the description. From the poem it seems like he did something messed up, but it the description you say that you messed it up. So that confused me a little bit, but I really liked the poem.
I think the poem is good, but with your description, it feels like something's missing. The poem makes him into a real jerk, which he probably is, but the intro makes him seem like a guy who freaked. With that said, the poem was good, but a little rough. Some parts, like punctuation, need to be cleaned up. Sometimes it's good to use punctuation, so don't be afraid of it. And don't be afraid to not rhyme or try a different form. Cheers, and (Revenge on Jerks), ~Sephe~
This is sad, heartfelt even, but reading your intro, then reading the poem, the two collide. In your intro you don't make any mention of the guy being an [censored], just that you kind of ruined the friendship by pushing it to far. So the poem in general confused me where you say you were blinded to his true ways, and his intention was to hurt you from the start...you might just want to clear that up...sorry this wasn't more about your poem, but like I said, it confused me to much for me to give it an honest review...
It's a hard line to cross between friendship and beyond. None the less the piece you wrote was fair I think perhapes a better description. Of maybe what went wrong between the care and the careless. Actually kinda hard to comment on. so I will let it go at that. Perhapes another feater in the cap. Not on his view point but yours.
Submission Name: Hurts Too Much
