Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Forbidden Love


Author: Kelly17
ASL Info:    25/f/NY
Elite Ratio:    2.38 - 17 /8 /10
Words: 241
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 891
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1456



Description:




Forbidden Love



Things I think when I see you
Shouldn't be in my head
But I know you feel the same way I do
Just by the look in your eyes
The passion and love is covered by hesitance
The same sight I see in my own
We know this is wrong
But we just can't seem to help it

Your touch brings goosebumps to my skin
Relaxing my whole body
Yet making my heart race
I want to tell you everything about me
But it's never the time or place

Until finally we are alone in out spot
Cigarette smoke clouding around us
We can talk freely together
And you hold me close and tight

I look up into your eyes
You allow me to see all your feeling
You pull me closer to your clothed body
And our lips connect
Allowing our souls to merge as one
Until out time together ends

You start to pull away
Still looking me in the eyes
Slowly releasing me from your grip
And with one last kiss
You whisper goodnight softly

Both of us leave, longing for more time together
More time alone in out spot
More time in our world
We know the next time we see each other
Reality will have set back in
We will know this is wrong
And our eyes will be drowning with love and passion
Only to be smothered by the guilt




Submitted on 2006-04-10 19:14:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  good job.
i liked the point behind this poem, but you made your love seem more physical rather than a deeper love. try and make it more emotional.
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by emochick13 | [ Reply to This ]
  The majority of the piece is good, but it lacks some excitement or deepness. I hate using the word "deep". Anyway. I really liked the last stanza. You seemed to ad a little more emotion into it.
| Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by james110182 | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this poem is pretty good. It does a very good job of expressing forbidden love. The longing here is also very well expressed with your words. The only thing I think you could have added more of is passion. The desire that is felt between these two people must be substantial to risk feelings of guilt afterwards and I felt it could have been more passionate in the parts of this where you are together. Otherwise this is well written and expressed. I think there is one typo in your last stanza with the word "out" in the second line. I think it should be "our". Nice poem. Take care.

Lorna
Welcome to Elite!
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



98610