Forbidden Love
|
|
Description:
Forbidden Love
Things I think when I see you Shouldn't be in my head But I know you feel the same way I do Just by the look in your eyes The passion and love is covered by hesitance The same sight I see in my own We know this is wrong But we just can't seem to help it Your touch brings goosebumps to my skin Relaxing my whole body Yet making my heart race I want to tell you everything about me But it's never the time or place Until finally we are alone in out spot Cigarette smoke clouding around us We can talk freely together And you hold me close and tight I look up into your eyes You allow me to see all your feeling You pull me closer to your clothed body And our lips connect Allowing our souls to merge as one Until out time together ends You start to pull away Still looking me in the eyes Slowly releasing me from your grip And with one last kiss You whisper goodnight softly Both of us leave, longing for more time together More time alone in out spot More time in our world We know the next time we see each other Reality will have set back in We will know this is wrong And our eyes will be drowning with love and passion Only to be smothered by the guilt |
Submitted on 2006-04-10 19:14:43 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post
Comments
| good job. i liked the point behind this poem, but you made your love seem more physical rather than a deeper love. try and make it more emotional. | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by emochick13 | [ Reply to This ] | The majority of the piece is good, but it lacks some excitement or deepness. I hate using the word "deep". Anyway. I really liked the last stanza. You seemed to ad a little more emotion into it. | | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by james110182 | [ Reply to This ] | I think this poem is pretty good. It does a very good job of expressing forbidden love. The longing here is also very well expressed with your words. The only thing I think you could have added more of is passion. The desire that is felt between these two people must be substantial to risk feelings of guilt afterwards and I felt it could have been more passionate in the parts of this where you are together. Otherwise this is well written and expressed. I think there is one typo in your last stanza with the word "out" in the second line. I think it should be "our". Nice poem. Take care. | Lorna  Welcome to Elite!  | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ] | |
98610