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Author: Gannondalf
ASL Info:    38 M Oregon
Elite Ratio:    8 - 145 /24 /13
Words: 286
Class/Type: Poetry /Being a Teen
Total Views: 1320
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1266


written 5-13-96 was bored and needed to write in my journal. However its a basic concept of being free from being stagnet. For really we never are, we chagne with time. the good or the bad is really what we carry in our back pack . but then again that is how we teach from our experience also how we learned. Kinda funny really for me my dad always said (Son Experience is the best teacher) lol he was right. please feel free to comment. even though it was one of my first pomes ever wrote I still like the message and don't feel I would change it.
Yet I did to make it become more of a working piece active and ahh readable Thank you all for your commentary


Today I have spent most of my time,
To my subconscious mind.
Lying in bed, freeing my hidden head.
As my inner conquers my outer,
my outer is put to rest.
Seems like our awaking subconscious
makes our outer it's best.
Being born from within,
Our life truly begins.
Freed from our tender womb.
One starts While another ends.
Discovering our adolescence,
our life comes to afore.
As we open new ones,
we also close old doors.
On ocasion,
our subconscious,
finds these old doors.
However it's just a piece of our past,
that we are never more.
Although with our experiences,
we have been subdued.
Old doors have closed,
We make room for the new.
A darkened sky has lit the way.
Although yesterdays sunset has gone astray
From this day forward,
I will try to preceive.
My old self,
the new one and also the newer and brighter me.

When all one has come together what can one say. Life and it's experiences are here to stay.

Submitted on 2006-04-11 06:30:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Today I have spent most of my time,
To my subconcious mind.
Lying in bed, freeing my hidden head.
As my inner conqueers my outter,
my outter is put to rest.
Seems like our awaking subconcius
makes our outter it's best.

wow, wat a start!

its something i go through every morning always struggling to get up and moving...

can only relate with it,, jus the better
| Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
  Makes sense, for the most part. The transition was evident, which is good. But, to be honest, [no offense intended] I struggle with commenting on poetry with poor spelling/grammar. I'm just OCD like that.

I enjoyed this part most:
As my inner conquers my outer,
my outer is put to rest.
Seems like our awaking subconscious
makes our outer it's best.

| Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed your poem. Our experiences indeed shape who we are and it's how you treat them that really matters. Sometimes, we have to put a few behind us to move forward.

The message in your poem is one that not some but all people relate to. That, in my opinion, is what makes it great. It hits home for people, especially people with many experiences and life lessons under their belt.

I think it would have been easier to read though if you had used punctuation, spacing and correct spelling. Sorry, sometimes I freak out about spelling.
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Leila | [ Reply to This ]
  We do take it all in stride, don't we.
I think this was very inventive. I did seem to get a little lost in the middle for you had a really strong start and end.
"Being born from within our life.
Our life truly begins."

"Our life starts While another ends.
Discovering our adolescence our life comes to afore."

I think for me there is just to many "lifes" floating around.
but other then that. I was impressed by this poem originality.
Thanks for sharing,
| Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]

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