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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Now You Want Me Back?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: POETRY
    ASL Info:    17/f/az
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 259/141/37
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1061
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 500



    Description:
       This was a poem that I had wrote to a guy I was in love with but I realized after he left me and tried to get back with me that I needed to just move on....I hope you like it and tell me what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNow You Want Me Back?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My love you threw away
    With the games you continued to play
    My love you didn't accept
    Now it's leaving me that you regret?

    I can't understand why after so long
    You just decide to up and leave
    And its all killing me ever so softly
    I had to realize and come to my senses
    That there is nothing between us only sad tension
    I am able to face this world alone
    Because, if anything you are the one that blinded me




    Submitted on 2006-04-11 14:09:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Good job lady. I actually quite liked this one, for all that it was short. I just went through something like this, so it's tickling my fancy tremendously. If I may suggest, I think the last line, you could extend, as in how he blinded you and to what he blinded you to.

    Karios
    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by Karios | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Christina,
    Thisone was ok but i don't think its your best... you put your point into it but left it there. i think you can take this as a subject and really do something with it. you got talent girl use it lol
    John
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      Somehow after a terrible break up you finally move on only to have that one person want you back. It's a shame they couldn't realize their mistake earlier. People are forever make an impluse decision they soon will forget. Your flow was excellent, the rhythm was there and easy to follow. I think "only sad tension" should have its own line to make it more pronounce for this is a strong statement to make. Othewise, I really have nothing else to say, but Good Job! I enjoyed it!
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by Renada | [ Reply to This ]
      except = accept
    its = it's
    alon = alone
    The second stanza needs punctuation, particularly:
    'nothing between us only sad tension' = 'nothing between us, only sad tension'
    'because if anything you' = 'because, if anything, you'
    Anything with kill/death and soft/slow in it is way overdone. Really get in touch with the feelings you are trying to express and describe them in exactly the way you feel them. Don't use other people's words.
    It was a little odd to have the rhyme in the first stanza, but not the second. The rhythm was also a lot better in the first stanza.
    Your descriptions need some work.
    I'm not one for angst, but I guess this is okay.
    -HaldirLives
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by HaldirLives | [ Reply to This ]
      Christina
    LOL hope I didn't spell it wrong I'll feel like an ass. Anyways I liked this one I thought that it summed up your feelings very well. I loved the way it all flowed together too. Beautiful! Hope to hear from ya
    ~Phil~
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by Darkestlove | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I must say, this piece really doesn't have any structure. The first stanza has a specific rhyme pattern, yet, the second, has a different one. I think that could use some work, because it really takes away from the over all piece. I am happy that there was a realization, and that you were able to get over it before anything went wrong. Good job.

    ~Jaime
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]


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