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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Andy

Author:	Say what?
Elite Ratio:	8 - 13 /0 /16
Words:	258

Class/Type:	Poetry /Venting
Total Views:	914
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1416

Description:

I wrote this about my X it's mostly just venting

Andy

You dirty little bastard how can i make you see
That all you think about is you and that just isn't me
You think that you deserve me well that just isn't true
You think that you can own me would i do that to you
You tell me to come with you and politely i will follow
But then I just ignore you, could your head just be that hollow
I tell you that you should go and that you will be late
Go ahead and think that but we're never gonna date
Your head is up there in the cloud if you'll come down you'll see
That my happiness resides in the man you refuse to be
Why couldn't you just give up I know that ain't your style
But maybe you would only see if you went the extra mile
To see that I am happy here deep within myself
Maybe you should just put your heart back on the shelf
Go and try it and you'll see that dating other girls not me
Might just be a little fun and would be good for everyone
I hope that you don't hate me and i hope that your not mad
I just want a little space and for that you should be glad
I just wish you would leave me but please don't be resentful
And my ever dating you does make me regretful
I don't want to be with you and i never will
So don't worry about it, go take a chill pill

Submitted on 2006-04-11 14:09:16 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

This was cool I guess. Very emotional. This line seems off "That my happiness resides in the man you refuse to see" mainly because you use the word see to rhyme with it. Maybe it could read
"That my happiness resides in the man you refuse to be"? I duno, it's your poem

Lia

| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]

WOW THIS IS A REALLY GOOD ONE I LIKED IT BETTER THAN THE OTHER ONE YOU JUST POSTED. I MEAN THAT WAS GOOD TO BUT THIS WAS GOOD. UMMMM WELL A FEW SUGGESTIONS:
THE 4TH LINE YOU NEED A SPACE BETWEEN "WOULD" AND "I"
THE 6TH LINE IS KIND OF CHOPPY YOU SHOULD PUT A COMMA BETWEEN "YOU" AND "COULD" SO IT MAKES MORE SSENSE READING IT ALL TOGETHER AT FIRST WAS CONFUSING.
AND LASTLY THE 1ST LINE BEFORE THE LAST I THINK AFTER WITH IS SUPPOSE TO BE "YOU" BUT I DONT KNOW
THERES JUST A FEW CORRECTIONS YOU CAN TAKE THE ADVICE OR NOT. WELL OVERALL GREAT WRITE! TAKE CARE
-CHRISTINA AKA POETRY

| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]

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Andy

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Andy

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