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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What is everything worth?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 794
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 418



    Description:
       being lost and confused is the worst feeling. I couldn't find a type of poem to put this under.... a little help please. and a better title.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat is everything worth?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm driftly ever so slowly,
    nothing, can seem to help me now.

    Not even you...
    and I thought you
    could save me from it all.

    I paint my every emotion
    on your bulletin;
    with a question mark
    for response.

    I can barely see the sky now,
    can you tell me its colors,
    so I can imagine
    the glory
    and stars?




    Submitted on 2006-04-11 18:03:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hm..very nice..I know how it feels to be so lost, and helpless, that not even the person who knows you the best, can't even save you from falling so fast..The ending I didn't really like..maybe its just me..but the beginning and middle i loved..They just seemed real..In the end it sorta seemed as if you were going blind to all beauty,aka the sky and stars..Which was good I would say..I really like the flow of all your poems, very fluent and I never get confused..Anywho keep up the great work!! Take care.

    Lucy^_^
    | Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice... it was kind of short, but the emotion and point got through. It did seem to be all over the place though. But in this case it works well. I feel the same way sometimes, not knowing where to go or what to do and the only one you thought could help can't. Anyway nice write. Keep it real

    never_wanted
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by never_wanted | [ Reply to This ]
      The pain inside, or something like that would probibly be the best place to put it.
    As far as a title, I am not sure.
    I like the gray areas here where you let our minds wander, then at the end, you bring us back wondering about the color of sky.

    I really enjoyed this. It was simple, yet the emotion of just being there, alone everything just falling down around and you can't catch all the pieces. No one can help you, even your selfproclamed hero is at a loss and can't reach you.

    The feeling of just being blank, totally emotionless and uncaring to the passing.
    I can relate to this very well, nice job.
    I wish I could help you more, but I think you have done a good jod - though I would agree with a different title, it doesnt seem to fit quite right.
    take caer
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]


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