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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Charge of the Pants Brigadedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: andrya
    Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 508/419/62
    Words: 267
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 1122
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1925



    Description:
       I'm sorry if I offend any of you out there, this is really just creative writing. Call it writers vision, if you will. I know there are lots of you who probably do own atleast 1 pair of cargo khakis. I, at one time in my life, rocked the cargo khaki overalls.

    This was inspired by Tennysons "The Charge of the Light Brigade", an amazingly amazing poem, which I really took to heart.

    I have a strong, fiery passion within my soul, which burns souly to outlaw those overly ridiculous cargo khaki pants with the over sized pockets, which unzip into shorts, and can be seen with ankle socks, either because they are too short, or because the kid is rocking socks and sandals with the shorts version of these.

    P.S- I strongly recommend you read "The Charge of the Light Brigade" as it is tres incredible. It's about the ridiculous British making awfully devestating choices in the war, in particular, sending the Light Brigade (lightly armed soldiers on horseback) down a valley filled with enemy (Russian) cannons to the right, left and in front, just so they could take the cannons out at the end. Quite the suicide mission. They accomplished it, but it was completely non-sensical. Which is how I feel about war now. Absolutely, utterly non-sensical. Butttttt don't get me started on that too. I'll stick to Khakis for now.

    p.p.s- Thanks to lostsheep for finding the website where the origional "The Charge of The Light Brigade" is posted :http://poetry.eserver.org/light-brigade.html
    Hope you check it out!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCharge of the Pants Brigadedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I
    Half a league, half a league,
    half a league onward,
    All in the Hub Mall
    Walked the six hundred,
    'Forward the Pants Brigade!
    Charge for the kids!' they said:
    Into the Hub Mall
    Strode the six hundred.

    II
    'Forward the Pants Brigade!'
    Was there a man dismayed?
    Not though the Khaki's knew
    Some one had blundered:
    There's not to make fashion,
    there's not a good reason,
    that cargos are a sin:
    Into the Hub Mall
    Strode the six hundred.

    III
    Khakis to right of me,
    Khakis to left of me,
    Khakis in front of me
    blinding each student;
    Stormed at with velcro sacks
    pants, in the length they lack,
    Into the Hub Mall
    strode the six hundred.

    IV
    Flashed all their pockets bare,
    Flashed tube socks without care
    Blinding the students there
    Charging an army, while
    All the world wondered:
    Plunged in the bright sun light
    Blinding with fashion slight;
    Grad student and 1st year
    reeled from the pants faux pas
    Shattered and sundered.
    Then they took off, but not
    Not the six hundred.

    V
    Khaki to right of me,
    Khaki to left of me,
    Khaki behind me,
    blinding each student;
    Stormed at with velcro sacks
    while students turned their backs
    They had been named out-casts
    Came through the Hub Mall,
    back from the mouth of past
    All that was left of them,
    left of six hundred.

    VI
    When can the Khaki fade?
    Ceasing the cargos made!
    All the world wondered.
    Silly the pants they wore,
    khakis with cargos tore,
    failing the Pants Brigade,
    Silly six hundred!




    Submitted on 2006-04-12 00:39:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow really good work honestly couldnt stop reading it but yeah i have to say my favorite part was

    Half a league, half a league,
    half a league onward,
    All in the Hub Mall
    Walked the six hundred,
    'Forward the Pants Brigade!
    Charge for the kids!' they said:
    Into the Hub Mall
    Strode the six hundred.

    Really gr8 stuff good grammer usage no real mistakes loved it but i'm No Talent so check out some of my work sometime k
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by No Talent | [ Reply to This ]
      Definately a different topic. I have never read 'The Charge Of The Light Brigade', but now I am interested. I can really feel your dislike of the Khaki cargos in this and it makes me smile because I have thought the same thing myself on occasion. I just have a problem with 'the jeans hanging to the crotch and the boxer drawers sticking out while they are walking on the legs' deal. I think that would be quite a topic to write about. Just an idea.

    Anyways...I have no suggestions for you on the piece, all I can tell you is I really enjoyed the humor in it and thought that it definately deserved a comment.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is very original. You made me curious for reading The Charge of the light Brigades, where to find it?
    I've never had any khaki cargo pants really.
    I enjoyed reading this, i liked the fact that you really made those 600 look like an army. I only have 2 little things: In IV there's this sentence,

    Grad student and 1st year
    First I thought shouldn't it be Grade student, but besides that, i think it would be nicer to put it in plural, students and 1st years.
    Then, you forget the 'V' for stanza five.

    All in all, very original.

    Darth Zeus
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      What a silly topic.

    But I am unbelievably happy you wrote this, considering I just happened to write about writing in this exact same manner. Now, I don't know if you my ideas got you thinking into something along these lines (I imagine not), but I would be proud if I had some little influence.

    Anyways, what I am talking about is the use of a different voice. What makes this poem successful, in my opinion, is that although you kept the form of the original poem, a form that was designed to portray the gritty aspects of the attack (and does so very effectively although I can't describe how it does so), you targeted a very innocent and unemtional topic. You transferred your voice and personality into a rougher style and transformed the poem into something that was light and upbeat. It was certainly enjoyable.

    And this is something I highlighted in my last post, the use of different styles. Of course, there is a little twist in it here from what I was talking about, but it seems to validate my point really well. I'm glad you wrote.

    I do think that anyone reading this should read The Charge of the Light Brigade. It helps to contrast the voices and benefits the reading of this poem.

    Cargo pants. Hmm. What a strange topic. I don't know why you picked it.

    But it works well.
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by Eggman | [ Reply to This ]
      Great humorous piece. You've mixed the terribly violent and warlike voice of "The Charge of the Light Brigade" with a light, silly nonsense subject. Amazingly, you've pulled it off.

    Kudos for the guts and another set for the skill



    Steve

    ps. For others looking for it, Tennyson's "Charge of the Light Brigade" can be found here, among other places.
    http://poetry.eserver.org/light-brigade.html
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      I like nothing better than a good parody, except a parody that is about a silly subject.

    Couldn't fault this, it's zany and funny, and makes a delightful mockery of the original.

    To me, that's a perfect parody.

    Very well done

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Youuuu my dear are cwazy. I love it.. it makes it seem alot more.. important and what not than people wearing khaki's actually is.. hah.
    But seriously what IS with the khaki phase? I mean.. it's not even a phase anymore.. or was it ever? It's actually been going on since i was a little kid. I remember my brother's first pair.. and how all the guys i had crushes on had a pair.. cause it was cool back then.. hell i think my dad may still have a pair? Anyhow.. that was nearly 18 years ago. But still nothing has changed..
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Lova_Star | [ Reply to This ]
      Being Australian, of course it was obligatory for us to learn The Charge of the Light Brigade which, despite good intentions, does come of as a bit on the gung-ho side -- making it a perfect poem to parody. You've done a great job of staying true to the "feel" of the poem while satirising nicely, a very rare achievement indeed. Bringing khakis (eew) into a poem originally about war adds a whole extra dimension. Sorry, I tend to rave when confronted with a decent parody, they're top notch when turned out right.

    Oh, I can give you a teeny criticism (I'll kid myself it's important) -- the correct spelling is "faux pas".

    There, I feel better. I felt a whole lot better after laughing at this, anyway.



    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by Fantastic Freya | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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