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New Start

Author: Rain
ASL Info:    22/F/Idaho
Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 531 /514 /70
Words: 113
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1516
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 717


i was bored in math again.

New Start

The sky no longer black
and the stars no longer shine.
The colors of richess spred across the horizon
and the rays from the surging sun reach to the heavens.

The colors of the new day
wash away yesterdays mistakes
and the disappearence of the last star,
maybe it's telling that no scars will form today.

As the tints of the today fade,
the hopefullness does too.
And as the rays pound down,
so do the horrors of the day.

New starts may always appear,
but soon the finish comes,
for everything that has a beginning has to end.
And when the sun sets,
we forget the passing day.

Submitted on 2006-04-12 20:53:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This is a real good and deep write
To me you are describing something I do every day throwing away all the negatives from the day and welcoming in a new day filled the positive
You do not throw away all memories every day just the negative for it is that positive memories from yesterday that male positive memories for today
God Bless
| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Its pretty good. I liked the theme, but I was pretty distracted by a couple typos in the 2nd stanza... Of, in the first line and from in the 4th line should be form... Also, in the 3rd line of the last stanza you forgot a space between for and everything, and you may want to find a new word to end either the 1st or second line of the fourth stanza because the slight variation isn't enough there.
| Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by Siberianhearts | [ Reply to This ]
  Three things I noticed. Fourth line on the second stanza, that from should be a form? The foreverything should be spaced in the last stanza. And i think firey is supposed to be fiery. Not complete sure about the last one. Overall this piece was ok. It had meaning, and overall was discriptive to the point you were trying to make. This piece is sort of pessimistic, which intrigues me. Not the best thing I've seen, but ok. Keep it up.

| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Saint | [ Reply to This ]

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