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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Red Paintdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LadyChaos
    ASL Info:    19/F/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 718/606/95
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 959
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 530



    Description:
       First poem I've written in months...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRed Paintdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Self consciously,
    She jammed her pale hands into her pockets.
    Silently hoping that no one noticed the red paint

    It seeped through her white sleeves,
    Creeping up her arms in splotches and lines.
    She walked briskly,
    Making eye contact only with the ground,
    Who knew that patterns of grass could be so interesting?

    She studied the blades...

    Was she doing it for the attention?
    Only God could be sure,
    He was the only one Who knew.




    Submitted on 2006-04-12 21:20:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was really good LadyChaos! It sounded more like a story than a poem. Anyway great write as always! Thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-12-15 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Lori_tab on the line

    Who knew that patterns of grass could be so interesting.

    I really enjoyed that line...but ya know...overall...this was a good poem and I liked so much how you conveyed this subject so differently than most. It was very nice and I can relate...

    Kris
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      Who knew that patterns of grass could be so interesting?

    This was a great line and I think really makes the poem. The image that this girl gives me is something that I can relate to, and she seems so artistic because she is all insecure and then suddenly she is observant of the sky. this was a brilliant piece.
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...different take on the subject. Not bad, but it jumps. One stanza talks about the blood on her shirt, the next about her studying the blades.

    But the attention part...I'm sure a lot of people could relate to that, because I'm sure a lot do it for attention. I've thought of it, just to get someone to look at me and say, "OMG! she's not perfect!" And the people who do it, when they show it off, they do it for attention, I think. But if they don't want anyone to know about it, then they probably are doing it to feel better.

    Questions: Does this make her feel good? Does she feel better once she let her blood flow free? Maybe you could elaborate a tad bit more.

    Not too bad a piece.
    Kassandra
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how this suggests violence--the red paint and blades (of grass)--without being obvious. The red paint makes me think of Lady MacBeth. I also think she could be a cutter or a heroin addict (since it goes up her arms). I also like the contrast of asking if she's doing it for attention and the fact that she seems to want to disappear ("Making eye contact only with the ground"). I like the subtlety and binary oppositions in this. I hope all is well, Amy
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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