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i wrote

Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 77
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 692
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 465


needs a new title, any ideas?

i wrote

I sat to write
the page was blank
the pen was new
and I too drew a blank,
for I knew nothing.
So, I wrote
that I was happy
and found i was not.
I wrote that i was poor
and my bank acount
still had
ninteen dollars and fifty cents.
It was a sunday.
So I wrote
a happy little girl
who won the lotto
and still could not
read or write!

Submitted on 2006-04-12 23:50:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Well I have an idea on a title: "Still I Write Nothing" What do you think? Well thats mu suggestion ake it or leave it. The poem was amusing and a bit different from most thats what make it good too. the ending was kind of weird but it all tied into the poem very nicely.
-Christina aka POETRY
| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]
  Umm. Okay. Interesting. 'I knew nothing' could be switched to 'nothing I knew'. 'And found I was not' sounds like it should be 'And found that I was not'. The lines about the bank account are broken in an odd manner, and I think you should probably just condense it. 'About' could be left out altogether.

It is an amusing poem. The ridiculousness of the end is just funny, and maybe a bit sarcastic. I like that a lot.
| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by HaldirLives | [ Reply to This ]
  I like "Christina aka POETRY"'s suggestion... I was thinking of a title along the lines of writing nothing, or something to that effect, but she hit it on the head.

This feels like a NYC writer by the name of Spiro's work... it has the same stream of conciousness quality, the same "random fact"ness... and that's the highest praise I can think of, because I love his work. The only thing I didn't like, was it was too short, when I hit the end I found myself thinking "aww... that's it?" :)

Well done!
| Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]

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