Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Breaking Bearer's


Author: Gannondalf
ASL Info:    38 M Oregon
Elite Ratio:    8 - 145 /24 /13
Words: 211
Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship
Total Views: 1373
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1129



Description:


5-14-96 The things we go through in life. Then somewhere down the line we discover the true meaning.


Breaking Bearer's



Held a prisoner of my own environment.
Life is held within a fist.
Each breath is a reminder of my loneliness.
To cease breathing is to cease to exist.
The silence is defying.
A lost sheep away from his clan.
that screams inside and yet cannot understand.
That his muddering undertones, are only herd within his head.
Who knows if this sheep is lost, alive or dead.
A wild animal who gnaws at his limb,
to free himself from the jaws within.
Breaks free from the fist.
that Circumference's his life.
Now the animal has closed the door behind him.
Limps away from the fist that now holds a part of his life. Freely giving up the part,
to save his mortal soul,sprit and heart.
On the long journey of expression, we leave parts behind when we leave in aggression.
A lost sheep will gladly lose a limb,
to find his circle of true friend's,
just to be excepted once again back in.




Sincerely Gannondalf aka Big Bear




Submitted on 2006-04-13 06:28:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  spelling errors!!
ok fine who gives a damn abt spelling.. its just so cool any more to follow spelling
hehe...

attempt to break free, reach your goal... lose if you have to but do reach your goal....

traget and reach the target....

instead of making it sound bit competitve you have made it as a freedom struggle of a little lamb...

thing about finding more strength in your creations, not sympathy.. it takes you nowhere...

but yes I agree, you have driven home a point.... bulls eye!!

its obvious that its a good work...

Regards
Rv
| Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
  Gannondalf,

I'm not exactly sure how to take this poem. I see so many spelling errors, but occasionally they make sense as spelling errors in the context of your poem. What I thought should have been 'muttering' you spelled 'muddering' but when talking about sheep, than mixing udder, as in where you would milk the animal, it makes sense.
So part of me is up in arms about the spelling problems, and another part of me finds them almost purposely Freudian.
| Posted on 2006-05-08 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
  I once again enjoyed your message. You're right, sometimes sacrifices do need to be made to escape the boundaries that have been set out for you, but still, a part of you would have to leave a part of you behind. Will this not leave a gap in who you are? You know how they say, "people don't change"? I do not believe this, but the person they once were always lies dormant in the back of their minds. It's never really lost, just pushed aside with a "please do not disturb" sign on its door.

You're a thinker. You remind me of many of my friends - always searching for a deeper meaning, and that is a brilliant characteristic.

Good work.
| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Leila | [ Reply to This ]
  um... this is a poem without verse. Really, try arranging it in sentences and you have a fully working poem on your hands. I personally think it would look better that you. Oh, and Circumferenced is not a word. Try surrounded, or Circumscribed. Other than those, great. Nice message, even if I don't quite agree with it.
Wishing for more
~Brian
| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



98916