[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Voicesdots

    Author: ROSHAY9992000
    ASL Info:    22/m/fl
    Elite Ratio:    3.18 - 16/12/12
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1272


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Voicesdots

    What is it with
    The voices in my head
    They are telling me disturbing things
    Like to maim and kill, my friend
    But I'm not and evil man
    Just one led astray
    The voices seem to calm me
    Should I listen to what they say
    It will just be another dead body
    In a back alley or street
    Sometimes I will confide in myself
    Am I crazy or just fucked up
    Way to many visions in my head
    Pounding now, wanting to scream
    As I woke from death, not once but twice
    There must be a reason for me in this life
    The visions override my sight
    Get this shit out of me
    I just want to be a normal human-being
    My vision is now altered
    And so the dillusions have returned
    I now truly believe that i must die
    My ragged breath, now ever so slowly
    The essence of death now follows me
    Teaching me these sadistic things
    I cough up blood, and spit out bile
    Blood now pouring from my eyes
    Because tears from me are long forgotten
    Is this supposed to be the end
    Or is it a real terrible dream
    Either is fine, for as long as
    I never wake again

    Submitted on 2006-04-13 06:54:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not sure what it is about your poem, but i really did enjoy it. It made me feel angry but at the same time comforted with the anger if that makes any sense.

    ''the essence of death now follows me'',

    That quote is my favourite line from the entire poem as i feel it opens reader's minds to so many imagery options. its like i can see a dark shadow looming over the character in my mind. Really effective. I think the use of bad language was a bit erm...putting this nicely...unnessicary, but apart from that, your poem was clear on how you felt at the time of writing it. well done!!
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by _shadow.queen_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont think i have ever been in the situation here so i cant really relate on that level but at the same time you have created such a strong image and description that putting myself in the situation and envisioning a dark and grim shadow following me wherever i went is not so hard anymore (there goes my chance of good night's sleep lol).

    P.S. Thanks for the spook, havent had one in a long time.
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a great poem. I agree with shadow queen, I'm not sure what the meaning is behind this poem but it does have a lot to say. It definitely entertains the reader. Great job.
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by pugh7755 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]