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My clothes from the sea edit

Author: stormkrow
ASL Info:    24/ male / Montello Wi
Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 51 /52 /39
Words: 142
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1430
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 819


I know that this is a repeat but i had to fix the mistakes

My clothes from the sea edit

My clothes form the sea

My clothes from the sea are my prized possessions
My clothes from the sea are all that are left of the old days
From before we were forced-out of our homeland
My clothes from the sea they are all that is left of old Ireland
My clothes form the sea are blue gray and green
My clothes are made from fur and scales
My clothes from the sea have golden rays of sunlight through out
My clothes of the sea have helped me through times of severe hunger
My clothes form the sea are beautiful
My clothes from the sea are eternal gift from the witch of Greenwich harbor
My clothes from the sea are everlasting
My clothes of sea cloth are lovely

Submitted on 2006-04-13 13:29:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This was okay. Maybe it was too repetitive but it is obvious that you were going for that...and if you weren't man you messed up. This wasn't bad, far from actually. I enjoyed the piece but the complete repitition from this all throughout isn't what I am diggin.
| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  To tell you the truth, I agree with lori_tab, the repitition is a bit annoying. I see the emotion you are trying to put forth. One thing i learned is that when you try to edit a poem too much it becomes nothing more than words. It does not sound like written emotion anymore... One thing you can do is either leave it as it this. Or just rewrite it all over. Letting your emotion guide you, it can take you to whole different poem or just to a more emotinonal version of this one. I hope I am of help and do not just sound critical of your work.

| Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]

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