[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: My clothes from the sea editdots

    Author: stormkrow
    ASL Info:    24/ male / Montello Wi
    Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 51/52/39
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 775
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 819

       I know that this is a repeat but i had to fix the mistakes

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy clothes from the sea editdots

    My clothes form the sea

    My clothes from the sea are my prized possessions
    My clothes from the sea are all that are left of the old days
    From before we were forced-out of our homeland
    My clothes from the sea they are all that is left of old Ireland
    My clothes form the sea are blue gray and green
    My clothes are made from fur and scales
    My clothes from the sea have golden rays of sunlight through out
    My clothes of the sea have helped me through times of severe hunger
    My clothes form the sea are beautiful
    My clothes from the sea are eternal gift from the witch of Greenwich harbor
    My clothes from the sea are everlasting
    My clothes of sea cloth are lovely

    Submitted on 2006-04-13 13:29:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was okay. Maybe it was too repetitive but it is obvious that you were going for that...and if you weren't man you messed up. This wasn't bad, far from actually. I enjoyed the piece but the complete repitition from this all throughout isn't what I am diggin.
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      To tell you the truth, I agree with lori_tab, the repitition is a bit annoying. I see the emotion you are trying to put forth. One thing i learned is that when you try to edit a poem too much it becomes nothing more than words. It does not sound like written emotion anymore... One thing you can do is either leave it as it this. Or just rewrite it all over. Letting your emotion guide you, it can take you to whole different poem or just to a more emotinonal version of this one. I hope I am of help and do not just sound critical of your work.

    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Push written by JanePlane
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Bond written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    untitled written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]