All I Remember by slntfirflm

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Submission Name: All I Remember dots

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Author:	slntfirflm
ASL Info:	16/f
Elite Ratio:	5.77 - 296/327/90
Words:	141

Class/Type:	Poetry/Betrayal
Total Views:	291
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	913

Description:
This is actually along the lines of fiction. Because I did not actually go this a experience like this. Yet, I have been through some situations where I was left for some girl who was either super model perfect or something along those lines and I felt the exact same way.

All I Remember dots

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We were standing in a crowd
cheering along with the rest.
And all I can remember
was how you completely ignored me.

Faint music rang through,
but I couldn't understand
why I was even there.
That's all I can remember.

Sitting alone now
time stands still in darkness.
I can't remember a thought,
a voice, or any other sound.

I do remember that blue eyed girl
the one you seemed to adore.
I do remember how I had to hitch home
and make it on my own.

Stranded, Abandoned, Betrayed
Was all I felt that night
yet, all I wish to remember
were the good times shared between us two.

We were standing in a crowd
cheering along with the rest.
And all I seem to remember
is how that was the day my spirt died.

Submitted on 2006-04-13 15:33:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
This was a good write. I can relate on this poem, because I have had my share of bad luck when it comes to relationships. I like the beginning to this poem, even though it is sad. I relate again, on the part of ignoring me. I hated it alot. Only suggestions I have to say is expand a little on the "good times" you remember with him. Tell us a little on the memories and what you did with him. And then finish it with

"We were standing in a crowd
cheering along with the rest.
And all I seem to remember
is how that was the day my spirt died."

Thanks for the post, I enjoyed it :)
| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]
I have never been truly in love and therefore have never been betrayed that way. I could not relate to the poem not because of the way it was written (it was a great write) but because I have never lived through that. Remember the old cliché though "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". As a work of fiction this poem is good because I am sure that many girls have gone through the same thing that your protagonist went through. I like how the poem is written. It is a poem that reminisces on the past and on the day her soul died. Yet she does not wish to remember the torments her soul went through that day. In order to soothe her soul she must remember that once both she and him were happy and that experience was worth the heartache that comes now. Remember the past and live the present. Never regret anything because life is too short. Great write. Kudos.
| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]

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