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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: All I Rememberdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 971
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 913



    Description:
       This is actually along the lines of fiction. Because I did not actually go this a experience like this. Yet, I have been through some situations where I was left for some girl who was either super model perfect or something along those lines and I felt the exact same way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll I Rememberdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We were standing in a crowd
    cheering along with the rest.
    And all I can remember
    was how you completely ignored me.

    Faint music rang through,
    but I couldn't understand
    why I was even there.
    That's all I can remember.

    Sitting alone now
    time stands still in darkness.
    I can't remember a thought,
    a voice, or any other sound.

    I do remember that blue eyed girl
    the one you seemed to adore.
    I do remember how I had to hitch home
    and make it on my own.

    Stranded, Abandoned, Betrayed
    Was all I felt that night
    yet, all I wish to remember
    were the good times shared between us two.

    We were standing in a crowd
    cheering along with the rest.
    And all I seem to remember
    is how that was the day my spirt died.




    Submitted on 2006-04-13 15:33:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a good write. I can relate on this poem, because I have had my share of bad luck when it comes to relationships. I like the beginning to this poem, even though it is sad. I relate again, on the part of ignoring me. I hated it alot. Only suggestions I have to say is expand a little on the "good times" you remember with him. Tell us a little on the memories and what you did with him. And then finish it with

    "We were standing in a crowd
    cheering along with the rest.
    And all I seem to remember
    is how that was the day my spirt died."

    Thanks for the post, I enjoyed it :)
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]
      I have never been truly in love and therefore have never been betrayed that way. I could not relate to the poem not because of the way it was written (it was a great write) but because I have never lived through that. Remember the old cliché though "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". As a work of fiction this poem is good because I am sure that many girls have gone through the same thing that your protagonist went through. I like how the poem is written. It is a poem that reminisces on the past and on the day her soul died. Yet she does not wish to remember the torments her soul went through that day. In order to soothe her soul she must remember that once both she and him were happy and that experience was worth the heartache that comes now. Remember the past and live the present. Never regret anything because life is too short. Great write. Kudos.
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]


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