Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name:

    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Prose/Longing
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 526



    Description:
       well destroy it !


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots

    -------------------------------------------


    Deliriums found between
    the clarity of the night.
    Pursuing the shadow
    of kisses, which are not
    more than lost dreams
    on my pillow.
    Every night, the figure
    of your darkness
    hunts the divinity
    of not forgetting.
    Giving birth a desire
    for dying to find out
    the freedom of
    this nightmare.
    And waking up in
    the realm of Baal,
    where your bleeding
    and sobbing corpse
    will join to
    my wounded soul




    Submitted on 2006-04-13 16:51:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This one Vic is outstanding
    This is probably the best write ive read of yours
    You really captured a lot of enotion in this one and I can feel your desire to find Love
    This is Excellent!!!!!
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is my favorite of all your writes so far... I'm very curious as to what inspired you to write something so passionate!
    'Pursuing the shadow
    of kisses, which are not'
    I've wanted someone that I couldn't have. It's a terrible feeling to know that you could be so close and have so much in common... but things just don't always happen the way we want them to.
    Anyhow... lovely write!

    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      very good write man 'the freedom of this nightmare'great stuff really [censored]ed with my head a bit definetely one of your better writes
    | Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by reedo | [ Reply to This ]
      man, this is like muddy water. you know how when you're a kid and you mix a bunch of paint colors together and it gets to be that mucky color....this is like that. this is full of loosely connected ideas and poorly constructed sentences and contradictary images. you need to decide what it is you really want to say and focus your energy.
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say I partly agree with Trey. I don't think it is murky water, but I do think you got to much going on and no real direction of your thoughts and no theme. I think this needs clarity, what are you talking about? I think you need to not worry so mcuh about imagery and focus on your words, do they mean something to the reader from start to finish? Overall, this was worded pretty, but made no sense to me.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    98980

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Your Lover written by Cordell
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cover written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Etiquette written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Love written by saartha
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Every..... written by jackz
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    AI written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry