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    poetry


    dots Submission Name:

    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Prose/Longing
    Total Views: 698
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 526



    Description:
       well destroy it !


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

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    -------------------------------------------


    Deliriums found between
    the clarity of the night.
    Pursuing the shadow
    of kisses, which are not
    more than lost dreams
    on my pillow.
    Every night, the figure
    of your darkness
    hunts the divinity
    of not forgetting.
    Giving birth a desire
    for dying to find out
    the freedom of
    this nightmare.
    And waking up in
    the realm of Baal,
    where your bleeding
    and sobbing corpse
    will join to
    my wounded soul




    Submitted on 2006-04-13 16:51:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This one Vic is outstanding
    This is probably the best write ive read of yours
    You really captured a lot of enotion in this one and I can feel your desire to find Love
    This is Excellent!!!!!
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is my favorite of all your writes so far... I'm very curious as to what inspired you to write something so passionate!
    'Pursuing the shadow
    of kisses, which are not'
    I've wanted someone that I couldn't have. It's a terrible feeling to know that you could be so close and have so much in common... but things just don't always happen the way we want them to.
    Anyhow... lovely write!

    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      very good write man 'the freedom of this nightmare'great stuff really [censored]ed with my head a bit definetely one of your better writes
    | Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by reedo | [ Reply to This ]
      man, this is like muddy water. you know how when you're a kid and you mix a bunch of paint colors together and it gets to be that mucky color....this is like that. this is full of loosely connected ideas and poorly constructed sentences and contradictary images. you need to decide what it is you really want to say and focus your energy.
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say I partly agree with Trey. I don't think it is murky water, but I do think you got to much going on and no real direction of your thoughts and no theme. I think this needs clarity, what are you talking about? I think you need to not worry so mcuh about imagery and focus on your words, do they mean something to the reader from start to finish? Overall, this was worded pretty, but made no sense to me.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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