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    dots Submission Name: Agonydots

    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 934
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 318

       destroy it

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Ashes, which take the dross to my veins.
    There is just a rotten blood,
    which is falling to the ground
    to join to my tears full of treason.
    This body is lost between hope and agony.
    This gray scenary is colouring in red and black. This world is painted by the crude dream of love

    Submitted on 2006-04-13 16:57:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Everyone wants to love and be loved. The struggle to find both present in a relationship certainly can bring agony. You have penned those frustrating feelings in a most unique and vivid way in this poem. The agony only becomes worthwhile when you find the ecstacy of a mutual and true love. If you haven't discovered this fact already, you will when you find the right "special someone." Good poem, and I wish you well! Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-09-19 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Short, but touching and leaves an impact. Kudos, yay, and again, short of time and so I'm über sorry and I will try to find sufficient time to comment more thoroughly!

    Blessed Be and Peace Out
    | Posted on 2007-09-16 00:00:00 | by Hungarian Girl | [ Reply to This ]
      another good one man I really liked the first line after I looked up dross anyway, I like short so I wouldn't say theres anything wrong with it's length specially since your lines say so much
    good write
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by reedo | [ Reply to This ]
      its ok a little short but still pretty good. what does the description mean destroy it??? i'm confused but i'm often that way. any way good write though it could be longer
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good Vic
    In this one I see someone who is on the verge of giving up on Love
    I hope you werent writing this about you
    You have a good sense of humor and A ggod heart Im sure someone will find you quite a catch
    Remain Positve
    There is someone out there for you
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is quite the emotional piece. With very few lines this poem holds so much power. It was a beautiful write I enjoyed it very much. The comparison between it all, held truth and beauty. It was a great write Vitoko. Take care.
    -Christina aka POETRY
    PS. cute picture
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good..kinda emotional..You use a different kind of angry than i do, i'm ussually VERY very angry..like kill someone angry..lol..but this was really good....short, but the message was given..

    "This world is painted by the crude dream of love"

    I loved these lines..sometimes Love does seem like a dream...but when you find it..everything all becomes real and perfect..so anywho i really liked this piece hun!!..keep up the great work!!!!!! ^_^

    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      but, but, but, I don't want to destroy it!! i like it just the way it is! it reminds me of the classic position of wanting love but not feeling worthy enough or lucky enough to deserve it. i know i feel that way... it seems every time i get close to a person, something goes wrong and i feel like i'm destined to be alone forever. but i still keep hoping that fool's hope that someday i'll be genuinely happy. *sigh*
    but I ramble....
    once again, you've done a lovely job in putting yours (and others) emotions into words.

    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, much better than the last one. This one had a actual meaning I could grasp. I still think you focus to much on imagery. I think in your last line, you can break up the sentences and make the very last line align better with the poem. I also think you could maybe expalin why this is happening to you. Overall, not bad, could be better.

    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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