Ashes, which take the dross to my veins.
There is just a rotten blood,
which is falling to the ground
to join to my tears full of treason.
This body is lost between hope and agony.
This gray scenary is colouring in red and black. This world is painted by the crude dream of love
Everyone wants to love and be loved. The struggle to find both present in a relationship certainly can bring agony. You have penned those frustrating feelings in a most unique and vivid way in this poem. The agony only becomes worthwhile when you find the ecstacy of a mutual and true love. If you haven't discovered this fact already, you will when you find the right "special someone." Good poem, and I wish you well! Sharon
another good one man I really liked the first line after I looked up dross anyway, I like short so I wouldn't say theres anything wrong with it's length specially since your lines say so much good write
This is really good Vic In this one I see someone who is on the verge of giving up on Love I hope you werent writing this about you You have a good sense of humor and A ggod heart Im sure someone will find you quite a catch Remain Positve There is someone out there for you God Bless Ron
Wow this is quite the emotional piece. With very few lines this poem holds so much power. It was a beautiful write I enjoyed it very much. The comparison between it all, held truth and beauty. It was a great write Vitoko. Take care. -Christina aka POETRY PS. cute picture
This was really good..kinda emotional..You use a different kind of angry than i do, i'm ussually VERY very angry..like kill someone angry..lol..but this was really good....short, but the message was given..
"This world is painted by the crude dream of love"
I loved these lines..sometimes Love does seem like a dream...but when you find it..everything all becomes real and perfect..so anywho i really liked this piece hun!!..keep up the great work!!!!!! ^_^
but, but, but, I don't want to destroy it!! i like it just the way it is! it reminds me of the classic position of wanting love but not feeling worthy enough or lucky enough to deserve it. i know i feel that way... it seems every time i get close to a person, something goes wrong and i feel like i'm destined to be alone forever. but i still keep hoping that fool's hope that someday i'll be genuinely happy. *sigh* but I ramble.... once again, you've done a lovely job in putting yours (and others) emotions into words.
Okay, much better than the last one. This one had a actual meaning I could grasp. I still think you focus to much on imagery. I think in your last line, you can break up the sentences and make the very last line align better with the poem. I also think you could maybe expalin why this is happening to you. Overall, not bad, could be better.