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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For Luckdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 725
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 360



    Description:
       I can't seem to write anything but sappy hooey today. This seemed to be the best amongst the sap.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Luckdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Remember this goodbye, good luck kiss,
    for we both need it,
    and you've been my charm so far,
    you sweet, little charmer,
    for my days have been better with you,
    and even when fate fails me,
    you keep a smile on my face.
    I'll keep your clover in my pocket
    until our lips meet again.





    Submitted on 2004-05-07 04:41:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      it's sappy and sweet and I like it. I don't think it's hooey, but I don't like the line 'You sweet, little charmer' so much. you already had charm in the line before. besides that it's good.
    | Posted on 2004-05-07 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      This emits such a friendly, comfortable feeling...makes me think of a person in my life that this suits...I would like to think that everyone will eventually be blessed with having at least one such relationship in a lifetime
    | Posted on 2004-05-07 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      This doesn't seem like you... I'm not sure why. I don't think it is as refined as your usual submissions, although.. there's nothing wrong with it. I don't think "sweet, little charmer" works as well as it should. I'd recommend some more punctuation as well, as alone and untouched this seems like it may be the last stanza of a love poem, while if the statements within were lent more impact, perhaps with the mentioned punctuation, it would work better. But I don't know, it's your work...
    Lea :P
    | Posted on 2004-05-07 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      As I read your poems, I feel your life afirmation, it's so positive... 'I'll keep your clover in my pocket', it's so fresh, vivid, expresses so much, you know what? Thank you for puting your art-work here, thank you for who you are and what you write, thanks for it all. Cause thousands of km away there must be a guy sitting in a dark room and reading them, smiling, and thinking of it all. In a positive way.
    | Posted on 2004-05-09 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      Sappy, yes, but hooey, no. A kiss for luck, what is better than that? This parting did not seem at all sad because there is confidence that your next kiss will be in happy greeting.
    | Posted on 2004-05-07 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]


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