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    dots Submission Name: I want more!dots

    Author: whendt
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 902/387/108
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 793
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687

       Just feeling a little dark lol

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI want more!dots

    My friend lonesome is unconditional
    cold as a tear that's never fallen
    feels good to be alone
    a shower is in my future
    I break the glass just to feel the breeze
    angels tip toe lightly around me
    my face wants to be a colorful site
    it fades away and now I'm gone
    my time is right to sing this song
    nobodies home
    feelings hit me in my bones
    makes me a cry out loud
    but I like it
    nothing flesh,nothing pain
    a black sheep
    living in a dream
    think I'm going crazy
    I would go if I had a brain
    me, I'm just like you
    I don't have a clue...

    Submitted on 2006-04-14 16:50:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem, I am gonna keep reading...
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I get this peom alot. Its when my parents leave and the house is all mine. At night it gets scary sometimes but not always. I like it too becuase i get to do what I want with no one watching. I can sing without worry of being heard, I love to sing in the shower lol. Its as you said a fantasy world. I can truely be me with only my thoughts , free from eyes and ears.
    Your last phrase"i'm just like you"is getting your point across that you do some silly stuff when your alone but >dosent everybody<


    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by SarahE.P. | [ Reply to This ]
      this didn't really make a whole lot of sense to me, really...sorry :(

    The only thing that did get across was that you enjoyed the pain..which is understandable if you're suffering inside....

    Keep writing.....

    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this one a couple times so I could really try to grasp what you were saying. In some spots I could understand the feelings of loneliness and despair but other spots just kinda lost me and I just couldnt figure it out. I really like the opening line of this poem. I thought that was a great way to start this poem. If you could just rework this a bit, with a little more focus on that opening line, you and your friend lonesome could really have a great poem here. I just thought that overall there was no specific theme or point of focus. It does have potential though. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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