Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I want more!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whendt
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 902/387/108
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 793
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687



    Description:
       Just feeling a little dark lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI want more!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My friend lonesome is unconditional
    cold as a tear that's never fallen
    feels good to be alone
    a shower is in my future
    I break the glass just to feel the breeze
    angels tip toe lightly around me
    my face wants to be a colorful site
    it fades away and now I'm gone
    my time is right to sing this song
    nobodies home
    feelings hit me in my bones
    makes me a cry out loud
    but I like it
    nothing flesh,nothing pain
    a black sheep
    living in a dream
    think I'm going crazy
    I would go if I had a brain
    me, I'm just like you
    I don't have a clue...




    Submitted on 2006-04-14 16:50:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem, I am gonna keep reading...
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I get this peom alot. Its when my parents leave and the house is all mine. At night it gets scary sometimes but not always. I like it too becuase i get to do what I want with no one watching. I can sing without worry of being heard, I love to sing in the shower lol. Its as you said a fantasy world. I can truely be me with only my thoughts , free from eyes and ears.
    Your last phrase"i'm just like you"is getting your point across that you do some silly stuff when your alone but >dosent everybody<

    Sarahe.p.

    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by SarahE.P. | [ Reply to This ]
      this didn't really make a whole lot of sense to me, really...sorry :(

    The only thing that did get across was that you enjoyed the pain..which is understandable if you're suffering inside....

    Keep writing.....

    *Toxic*
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this one a couple times so I could really try to grasp what you were saying. In some spots I could understand the feelings of loneliness and despair but other spots just kinda lost me and I just couldnt figure it out. I really like the opening line of this poem. I thought that was a great way to start this poem. If you could just rework this a bit, with a little more focus on that opening line, you and your friend lonesome could really have a great poem here. I just thought that overall there was no specific theme or point of focus. It does have potential though. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    99086

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Cover written by saartha
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry