Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I want more!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whendt
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 902/387/108
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 837
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687



    Description:
       Just feeling a little dark lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI want more!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My friend lonesome is unconditional
    cold as a tear that's never fallen
    feels good to be alone
    a shower is in my future
    I break the glass just to feel the breeze
    angels tip toe lightly around me
    my face wants to be a colorful site
    it fades away and now I'm gone
    my time is right to sing this song
    nobodies home
    feelings hit me in my bones
    makes me a cry out loud
    but I like it
    nothing flesh,nothing pain
    a black sheep
    living in a dream
    think I'm going crazy
    I would go if I had a brain
    me, I'm just like you
    I don't have a clue...




    Submitted on 2006-04-14 16:50:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem, I am gonna keep reading...
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I get this peom alot. Its when my parents leave and the house is all mine. At night it gets scary sometimes but not always. I like it too becuase i get to do what I want with no one watching. I can sing without worry of being heard, I love to sing in the shower lol. Its as you said a fantasy world. I can truely be me with only my thoughts , free from eyes and ears.
    Your last phrase"i'm just like you"is getting your point across that you do some silly stuff when your alone but >dosent everybody<

    Sarahe.p.

    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by SarahE.P. | [ Reply to This ]
      this didn't really make a whole lot of sense to me, really...sorry :(

    The only thing that did get across was that you enjoyed the pain..which is understandable if you're suffering inside....

    Keep writing.....

    *Toxic*
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this one a couple times so I could really try to grasp what you were saying. In some spots I could understand the feelings of loneliness and despair but other spots just kinda lost me and I just couldnt figure it out. I really like the opening line of this poem. I thought that was a great way to start this poem. If you could just rework this a bit, with a little more focus on that opening line, you and your friend lonesome could really have a great poem here. I just thought that overall there was no specific theme or point of focus. It does have potential though. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    99086

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Incubus written by monad
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry