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I want more!

Author: whendt
Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 902 /387 /108
Words: 111
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1299
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 687


Just feeling a little dark lol

I want more!

My friend lonesome is unconditional
cold as a tear that's never fallen
feels good to be alone
a shower is in my future
I break the glass just to feel the breeze
angels tip toe lightly around me
my face wants to be a colorful site
it fades away and now I'm gone
my time is right to sing this song
nobodies home
feelings hit me in my bones
makes me a cry out loud
but I like it
nothing flesh,nothing pain
a black sheep
living in a dream
think I'm going crazy
I would go if I had a brain
me, I'm just like you
I don't have a clue...

Submitted on 2006-04-14 16:50:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I like this poem, I am gonna keep reading...
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I get this peom alot. Its when my parents leave and the house is all mine. At night it gets scary sometimes but not always. I like it too becuase i get to do what I want with no one watching. I can sing without worry of being heard, I love to sing in the shower lol. Its as you said a fantasy world. I can truely be me with only my thoughts , free from eyes and ears.
Your last phrase"i'm just like you"is getting your point across that you do some silly stuff when your alone but >dosent everybody<


| Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by SarahE.P. | [ Reply to This ]
  this didn't really make a whole lot of sense to me, really...sorry :(

The only thing that did get across was that you enjoyed the pain..which is understandable if you're suffering inside....

Keep writing.....

| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  I read this one a couple times so I could really try to grasp what you were saying. In some spots I could understand the feelings of loneliness and despair but other spots just kinda lost me and I just couldnt figure it out. I really like the opening line of this poem. I thought that was a great way to start this poem. If you could just rework this a bit, with a little more focus on that opening line, you and your friend lonesome could really have a great poem here. I just thought that overall there was no specific theme or point of focus. It does have potential though. Take care.

| Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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