Xxx...Fools...xxX by nox

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Submission Name: Xxx...Fools...xxX dots

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Author:	nox_angelus
ASL Info:	19/F/Canada
Elite Ratio:	2.92 - 13/24/6
Words:	53

Class/Type:	Poetry/Satire
Total Views:	203
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	446

Description:
please grace me with your comments!

Xxx...Fools...xxX dots

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Self destructive marionettes,
Behavioural dysfunctions,
Damning themselves in all they do,
Internal brain malfunction.

Cerebral cortex meltdown,
Acting like a fool,
Damned if you do,
Damned if you don't,
And that's the golden rule.

Corrosion of all logic,
Breaking all the rules,
System error once again,
People are such fools.
.

Submitted on 2006-04-14 18:27:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  WOW.
I love this.

this had perfect flow, perfect vocabulary, creativity and imagery.

If you asked me to pick which part I liked best, i couldnt, i like it all.

bravo
| Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]
  Great vocabulary usage...marionettes, dysfunction...all kinds of words that catch a reader's eye. I enjoyed the short rhyming thing and simple stanzas...even if they are simple, they speak extreme numbers.
I didn't think you over used anything at all...everything fell into the right places...It fit like a glove, lol.
Keep on writing, I'll keep reading...

*tox*

| Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, this is my style. Short, rhythmic and rhyming. Strange theme, but that's good. Always good to be different. Some of the rhytem in the second stanza seems to be off, but otherwise, this is great.
| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by whiteshadows | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the rhyming scheme of the poem. The words you chose made it very interesting as well. Although i must say i don't altogether agree with the damned if you do damned if you don't. I try to keep the acting like a fool on the down low personally. There is too much of it in this world anyway, its almost sufficating.

Great write
Jan :)
| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah pretty much people suck. I like this write it is one of your simpler ones but it still kicks butt. Hmm. Not much to say to your works except WOW. I love this piece.
Loveage,
Mike
| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
  I get a feeling of someone being surrounded by people who act like idiots and no real way of getting out. Like being trapped in a classroom of stupid kids who act like morons because they think if they do, they're cool. I can feel a lot of frustration in this peice and just a general discontent with humanity. At least that's what I got out of it, I'm probably a little, off, though.
| Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by RumnMoxie | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like this one kinda reminds me of catcher in the rye great book, anyway good write.reedo
| Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by reedo | [ Reply to This ]
  This is extremely creative
Talking off human life as a puppet on a string doing only what others went them to do
Excellent excellent write

Great Job and Idea
God Bless
Ron

And let me be one of the first to Welcome you to Elite Skills
I hope this site brings you all the joy it has brought to me

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this was very good. The rhyme was spot on, the structure and form were right for the piece and the content - very apt and incisive - well done.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  This was indeed very well written. I would only suggest try using other words that rhyme instead of rule and fool as much as you did. I would also suggest that you may try with stanza 2 not make it ryhme altogether, since you broke from four lines to five with that one. leave it as a break from your flow, and then resume rhyming in stanza three, therefore keeping the words fool and rule. Overall I sensed that there was a underlined disatisfaction of sorts with mankind and how people lives there lives. Very good imagery and a near perfect flow. Welcome to Elite!

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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