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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tainted Glassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkened_soul
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 812/868/171
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 874



    Description:
       This is old, but, I haven't submitted anything in a while, and I've got writers block, so, here, critic this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTainted Glassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tainted Glass

    I have no problems
    I make no mistakes
    I go to my perfect job
    Where I get short breaks.

    I look beautiful
    Because I bought beauty
    I only eat ďgoodĒ food
    So that I stay skinny.

    I have no flaws
    Iíd never stand out
    I smiley proudly
    I never pout.

    I have fears
    But I have a dream
    I never cry
    I never scream.

    I feel only joy
    I never feel pain
    I never do anything wrong
    So Iím never to blame.

    Iíve made no bad choices
    Iíve done everything right
    I could slaughter 1 million people
    And still sleep at night.

    I have no secrets
    But I hide behind a mask
    Weíre all perfect arenít we
    Until you look behind the tainted glass.




    Submitted on 2006-04-14 18:41:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I read this poem and adored it from the title alone after reading it i can definately say i love it entirely. its poems like these that make me hate the fact you stopped writing. so much raw emotion and twists and turns to keep the reader on the edge. you really should start writing again because its peices like these that paint so vivid a picture that your emotions get shown and shared.
    Jesse...
    P.S
    I favorited this 1 and plan to search around for another or 2 i may also admire you for
    | Posted on 2007-06-23 00:00:00 | by AdpsBassist | [ Reply to This ]
      You know that is true that we hid behind a mask, whether it be not to let anyone in so we don't get hurt, or so that they can't see what is truly there. Nothingness.... A life wasted so, we just hid, always running from things we are afraid of. And I'm for one am tired of it.
    | Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty sweet...I was thinking as I was reading until the end, that there was no way this was a depressed poem, haha, but I loved the twist at the end, it was perfect.

    My only suggestions to you would be to try and fix the poem's flow a little bit, because some of the stanzas and lines seemed really really forced.

    Thanks for sharing this..


    *Toxic*
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      omg so beyond true.... sounds like scotts ego hit you full frontal though.... so now i know how he thinks, if i could only know how he feels i'd be good. good write, email him it! i think he needs to read something along these lines!
    | Posted on 2006-04-14 00:00:00 | by Dead_alive | [ Reply to This ]
      Its very true, we all hold up our true selves behind masks. A mask to protect us from the world, and from ourselves. A way to keep us from pain, guilt, anger... Any imperfections that can be cast upon us... All of it pushed under the hollow skin of a mask we wear. This fact is beyond true. I love how though simple it gets the point accross perfectly I do however have a few minor changes I would make to this poem.

    I feel only joy
    I never feel pain
    I never do anything wrong
    So Iím never to blame.

    if you remove the word anything it not only flows better but also still works perfectly

    Iíve made no bad choices
    Iíve done everything right
    I could slaughter 1 million people
    And still sleep at night.

    the line i could slaughter 1 million people is too long maybe changing it to i could slaughter millions... it would get the point accross still make sense and again flow alot easier

    I have no secrets
    But I hide behind a mask
    Weíre all perfect arenít we
    Until you look behind the tainted glass.

    if you take out the until you look behind part i find it suits just as well as with it but again it seems to flow more easily. it will also ease back into the seren simplicity of your poem. then again its your own work feel free to ignore all suggestions i've made

    SAM
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by speedrocketguit | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    99097

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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