Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Valentinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 575



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Valentinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    My Valentine has hollow eyes;
    Once bit, twice shy.
    A mannequin of her former self,
    Her porcelain soul upon a shelf.
    Boyfriend demon of her past,
    Left her heart with an impression that will last.
    A woman afraid to commit,
    A timid and awkward misfit.
    Tattered appearance tender underneath,
    To my heart it’s thief.
    Paper heart surrounded by lace;
    My heart surrounded by her face.
    She only knows her past torture,
    She’ll soon realize I am the flicking flame of a brighter future.




    Submitted on 2004-01-21 23:04:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      rhyming is alittle awkward, or so this is just my opinion, i believe you can do alot better if you focused on emotions just a tad more. this is just an thought though, although i do kinda like it like this. sry if i was no help
    | Posted on 2004-01-22 00:00:00 | by Trystam | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    991

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    prison written by ShyOne
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Shi written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Carry written by saartha
    Every..... written by jackz
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Etiquette written by saartha
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry