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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dirty, but Sophisticateddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dandan
    ASL Info:    19/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 604/323/49
    Words: 444
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 194
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2710



    Description:
       Random piece... I dont really like the ending... suggestions are much appreciated. :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDirty, but Sophisticateddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Our love was dirty, but sophisticated.
    We loved, and we lusted, and we drank it all away to the night.
    Our martini glasses clinked as we lost that first sight
    Back when we were young, when we were dirty,
    But sophisticated.
    Now, everything’s just
    ... Dirty.

    When you say that you miss me,
    Your words smell of filth;
    When you stop and you kiss me,
    My lips taste the ground.
    The lies
    That you feed me
    Could simply be mud...
    My tears have created it
    From the thing we called
    Love.

    We started at dusk, and we stayed out ‘til dawn
    And it made no damn difference
    They were black-tie affairs.
    We’d enter together, and leave on our “own”
    The only things that kept us, is we’d both return home.
    But, our hello’s were cheap
    And our goodbye’s proved cheaper.
    Our love was so dirty;
    Sophistication had left the scene of the party
    Forever before.

    When you say that you miss me,
    Your words smell of filth;
    When you stop and you kiss me,
    My lips taste the ground.
    The lies
    That you feed me
    Could simply be mud...
    My tears have created it
    From the thing we called
    Love.

    You exhaled the gray smoke, I inhaled it in.
    We thought nothing of unforgivable sins...
    We did it together, and we both somehow knew;
    But we kept it a secret,
    A damned dirty little secret.
    No longer refined, it somehow got lost,
    And sophistication remains a figment
    Of the past’s imagination.

    We played out the game,
    Took it gamble by gamble.
    Come up two deuces,
    And we’d throw it all in.
    We couldn’t care less anymore,
    We bluffed out pocket pairs
    And we’d still somehow win.
    But pulling it from up the sleeve
    Is dirty,
    And it’s never been
    Sophisticated.
    Bluffing is all we could ever do.

    When you say that you miss me,
    Your words smell of filth;
    When you stop and you kiss me,
    My lips taste the ground.
    The lies
    That you feed me
    Could simply be mud...
    My tears have created it
    From the thing we called
    Love.

    We sat on top of the world
    On a junkyard heap of lies and embezzled fame.
    It reeked of the stink we made
    Every day.
    It was dirty,
    But sophisticated.

    But, then again,
    Maybe sophisticated
    Isn’t the right word.




    Submitted on 2006-04-15 00:54:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i.love.it.
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by yellow balloons | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a very nice poem, although a little difficult to go through. I know you had a lot of feelings and had to express them somehow, but it could be concentrated in fewer words. But the lenght or the format didn't make it less artistic. Using one of your words, I find this a very sophisticated poem. It seems very polished and I think you spent some time writing it. I really like the lines you repeated:
    When you say that you miss me,
    Your words smell of filth;
    When you stop and you kiss me,
    My lips taste the ground.
    The lies
    That you feed me
    Could simply be mud...
    My tears have created it
    From the thing we called
    Love.
    Are these lyrics for a song? I don't think it would be very catchy with a wider audience of people not listening to your beautiful choice of words.
    I'm sorry that you had to go through such a relationship. Things like these happen and you can't help but be disgusted by them.
    Have a nice day and please take a look at some of my work if you have time.
    -Angie-
    | Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ]



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